...we have to have uncomfortable talks with those we love. We need to express hurt feelings or register dissatisfaction with the way things are going. I find, in many cases, it's important to set some ground rules. I'll list some of mine here, but I'd be very interested in hearing what some of your ground rules would be. Please add them to the comments. Here are mine:
- Turn off cell phones, TV's, etc.
- Try not to interrupt
- Try to remain objective
- Don't yell or throw things
- Try to keep going, even if it gets a bit uncomfortable, but also know when it's time to give each other space and cool off
- Try to identify the problem before offering solutions
- Respect each other's opinions and emotions; honor them as valid
- Promise to keep everything said in the fight confidential; don't go running to tell tales out of school
- Don't roll your eyes
- Don't point fingers
- No name calling
- Come up with a plan for the future that all can agree to
- If someone starts crying, immediately call a time out and hug that person til they stop
- Keep your values in your back pocket and don't compromise them for the sake of peace and quiet
Have I missed any? What would you add?
don't leave anything out...even if you are afraid to say it...you will only regret it in the future.
ReplyDeleteToo true.
ReplyDeleteAdd "Got out for a walk until the urge to scream goes away."
ReplyDeleteRight...it's always good to know when to disengage.
ReplyDeleteI'm feeling too tired and wonky-sarcastic to say anything right now...
ReplyDeleteask for explanations when something is unclear, even if it causes annoyance in the other person.
ReplyDeleteI actually believe you should never go to bed angry.
ReplyDeleteLaura, that's a good idea.
ReplyDeletePhil, I've had luck both going to bed angry and staying up to sort it out. Sometimes, it's best to just put things on the back burner and let the old subconscious take over.
And sometimes it's best to sleep on it-- on the couch.
ReplyDelete