Avetque Vale: Anna Nicole Smith

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to remember Anna Nicole Smith, who was taken from us too soon. Some believed that Anna Nicole was a flash in the pan, gold digging, drug abuser who lacked the good sense to come in out of the rain. You probably could count me in that group.

During her life, which was captured on a variety of media for the world to behold, I spent much of my time trying to ignore her. I noted that she was beautiful when she modeled for Guess? Jeans and then moved on with my life. When I learned that she married a very old, very wealthy man, I was not overly surprised or concerned. When she fought for every dime he had, I thought, good for her and returned to the task at hand.

When she was given her own reality TV show, I tuned in once. I was fascinated by the show The Osbornes' in its first season, and I'd hoped that Anna Nicole's show would hold as many surprises and wonders. Unfortunately, I just found it sad and intolerable. During an E! True Hollywood story, I was introduced to her family, who seemed to adore her. One family member even had Anna Nicole's face tattooed on her person. But, they lamented, they rarely saw her anymore.

Toward the end of her life, she seemed to be on a collision course with rehab. She lost her polish and tumbled about, spilling out all over. When her son died after the birth of her new baby girl, my innards cramped in sympathy at the pain of her loss. What misfortune! But, it seems these days, that celebrities are better able to pull themselves together after tragedy, addiction or behavior problems. The rehab network and AA sponsors surely are plentiful in Anna Nicole's world, I thought. I had confidence, that, like Madonna, Anna Nicole would be able to turn this around and make a success for herself.

Sadly, I was wrong. I had wrongly assumed that people such as Anna Nicole may adopt flakey or silly, or dare I say, stupid personas as their public image, but to be so successful, they had to be somewhat smart or savvy. Sadly, Anna Nicole Smith was neither of those things. She was a coarse, brazen, self-interested ninny who was surrounded by people who exploited her best. Even now, they circle her assets, looking for ways to get their hands on her money, her child.

Alas I cannot grieve for the loss of Anna Nicole. I did grieve for her losses as a mother, because stupid or no, losing a child would knock anyone to their knees. I am sad for her daughter, who is now property rather than person. Other than that, I can't really care about Anna Nicole Smith. When she died and the news of her death was all over the place, it still took me a couple of days to actually comprehend that all the anchor people were sqawking: She's dead! I had spent so much time blocking the reports of her movements from my consciousness that news of her death rebounded off my head out of pure habit of mind.

Perhaps we can be thankful that she slipped loose this mortal coil before drastic plastic surgery twisted her face beyond recognition, before her daughter suffered any damage directly from her mother's hands. Some have elevated her parting to that of Marylin Monroe's untimely death, but I wouldn't. Marylin Monroe was many things, but most of all a lady with a brain and some talent. Sadly, Anna Nicole was a one-trick pony in a celebrity world that recycles its own shallow glamour until it becomes a creature beyond recognition. From a once strong tree to rough, pounded pages in a pulp novel is our Anna Nicole.

God speed, Anna Nicole; may you do no further damage.