And Then There Were Three...

The layoffs have begun. And they started with the person I least suspected. I am so struck with grief right now. It's weird, I knew they were coming; I knew we would part ways. I thought I was OK with everything. Hell, I even celebrated it! What happened?

In actuality, we are all going to end up in a better place. This transition should be a celebration. We are very fortunate to have so many people up and down the line who are going to help us move along. I still can't help feeling sad...depressed, actually. Heartbroken. Pulled-asunder. Up-ended. Drawn and quartered.

What do I say about this? I don't even know how to describe my colleagues. To call us a "team" seems to cheapen what we were. We were a group of like-minded professionals, called to a cause. We put our heart into our work, but left our emotions out of it. We put our heads together and dug out of problems. We put our heads together and dreamed up some marvelous things. Our director had high expectations and we didn't balk. We were a force.

Even while we knew this was coming, It is unthinkable that we won't be working together anymore. How will I be able to accomplish feats like this again without them by my side? Maybe I shouldn't aim so high in the future. Everytime I do, there is always someone waiting to stop me. I remember back to my first job, folding boxes. I was hustling through them, trying to get through a skid-full of them, when my co-worker said, "Slow down; you'll make us look bad."

"Slow down; you'll make us look bad."

There's a motto for you. This motto represents the status quo and the status quo is my enemy. And wouldn't you know it? It has bested me again.

God dammit. Now I've got to start all over...