Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Tomorrow Is The First Day Of The Rest Of My Life

Not a real dragon

The dragons have been banished. We are not sick anymore. But we are still repairing the damage to our huts. There was, however, a Christmas Miracle. Doc found almost a whole box of Immodium in the desk drawer when we thought we were out. I'll tell you this folks, if you live with more than one person, go ahead and splurge on the 24 pack, if you don't need it now, you will soon.

Tonight, the girls and I walked to the ice cream stand. This is the last week, you know. Next week is October and that means cool weather, windbreakers and hot cider. Well, that's what it means traditionally. It's been 80 degrees all week. I found myself wondering while I read their sign and waited for the girls' cones, that maybe they should stay open indefinately. Nah. It's time to close the ice cream stands.

Not in Florida, though. I hear tell those ice cream stands are open all year round down there. Big Orange was taunting me with that fact just today. "Well," I said, "That's fine and all, but how can you miss ice cream if it never goes away?"

It was a typical midwestern response and I nailed him with it. Part of the wonder of living in the midwest is brought about by all the suffering and deprivation. The cool breezes of October (Mother Nature, I'm talking to you), immediately lift all the oppressive humidity that hijacks our souls all summer. There's a snap in the air...that then leads to dry skin and sniffles. But December comes and there's snow! Some mosture to soothe the skin. And eveyone is so friendly in the spirit of the season.

And then, in January, those people who were so friendly in December use up the rest of your hand cream and you just want to pound them on the head with your snow shovel. You've blown your hand cream budget with the latest outrageous, nay fantastic gas bill and know you're going to have to deal with cracking and chafing for at least two more months, probably three.

But just as you're ready to lay a roundhouse with your ergonomically correct snow shovel to the head of this lotion hog, you remember: Hey, at least it's not humid. And you return to your work, satisfied that there are thankfully no mosquitos at the moment. So you can coast the rest of the season out with a self-satisfied smugness, but not enough to quench the need to see daffodils.

And there they are! Lovely. The rain and the mud and the tornado warnings...tornado warnings. Well, at least I'm not paying for gas this month! You stroll through the grocery and see the cook-out gear on display. Oh, you can't wait to taste something grilled. Is there any propane in the tank? Yeah...oooh! Corn on the cob. And you rush headlong into summer thinking, hey, it doesn't get humid for another two months, right? By then, you'll be acclimated.


But that's a year away. For now we are in the honeymoon of winter. Drag out those halloween decorations and dust off those pregnant nun costumes (I know one of you has one...Dale?) and live it up. Afterall, in the midwest, things are always changing; you've got to be ready for it.


  1. Those of us here in Colorado routinely go through all 4 seasons in a day. But we wouldn't have it any other way!

  2. Who's this Orange fellow you linked to me?? Sounds like an asshole... >:^}

    Well, Florida has it's winter, too-- and then the other 11 months of the year.

    Actually, sometimes I think about it: no fall, no snow, millions of love bugs now (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_bug -- their blood is acidic so you have to wash your car frequently or else the paint will get damaged), dangerous sea life, humidity all the way up to 11...

    Thank god for Disney!!

  3. I never realized that hand lotion was such a contentious issue. No wonder they have so many Avon ladies in the Midwest.

  4. I grew up on the East Coast (NJ), not the midwest, but this post captured many of the things I desperately missed when I moved to Florida at age 12. Hope it's good for you and the kids, B.O., but here, in chronological order, are just 4 (of many) things I love about the North that FL doesn't have - tulips, lightning bugs, autunm leaves, and snow (which means we also get snow days, snow angels, and sledding).

  5. Flannery, with all of the people in my house I buy Nyquil, Dayquil, cough drops, Immodium, tissues, and ginger ale in bulk. If one gets it, we all get it.
    If I never saw another fall or winter again I would be happy. I would not be happy with the humidity in Florida. I'm thinking southwest.

  6. I'm so ready for cool weather. We had a tease a week ago ... but now it's in the mid-80s.

    And our ice-cream stands stay open year-round.

  7. I'm glad you are all better. The picture is awesome!

  8. We only rarely have tornado warnings in Pennsylvania. But, being from the Midwest, I'm always on the lookout for funnel clouds. Like constantly. In fact, maybe that's one out there now. I gotta run...

  9. Wait, you're trying to tell me that picture is NOT a real dragon? How can you present visual evidence like that and just boldly make a contrary statement and expect me to accept it as true? I am sorry, but that HAS to be a dragon. All empirical data support it as such.

  10. OK, Flann, I need to get 'hold of this Hot Lemon person-fellow. I think I need to send him some choice files from FBITN. SOMEBODY'S got to keep th' pan hot 'round here...

    As for the coming of Fall... Well, I'm put in mind of that old song by Joni Mitchell, "Urge for Going" (listen to it here at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jxXq94MTq4 )

    "I awoke today and found the frost perched on the town

    It hovered in a frozen sky, then it gobbled summer down

    When the sun turns traitor cold
    and all the trees are shivering in a naked row

    I get the urge for going but I never seem to go

    I get the urge for going
    When the meadow grass is turning brown

    Summertime is falling down and winter is closing in"

    ---Big Orange

  11. I think Fall is perhaps the best season of all... Of course, it feeds into my Eeyorish, melancholic outlook, so I WOULD say that, woudln't I??

  12. But you still can't white pants. Not until Memorial Day.

  13. I also know where the baby graveyard is Flannery! Shall I borrow my Sister's costume for you?

    It's more accurate than the weatherman to say There's a 50% chance of anything or to echo Skyler's Dad - All 4 seasons, all the time!

  14. It ain't easy being green - here's to you and Doc getting all better!

  15. We are all just basking in global warming's global, warming glow. Eat the ice cream. Pay no attention to the calendar.

  16. We lived in AZ for about 5 years, and the constant summer was great, for a while. It didn't take too long till we were lamenting the loss of seasons. Me, I like the cool, not cold, of Spring and Fall.