Piano Jams

Last night I started teaching Riley how to play the piano. Let's just say, I got off on totally the wrong foot. I forgot lesson number one for training:

If you're going to teach locksmithing, don't start out by teaching people the history of locks; show 'em how to pick a lock.

I started out trying to show Riley how to read music. And that's about as interesting as the history of locks. Plus, she wasn't getting it. And she's a bright kid. She got instantly frustrated and buried herself in the sofa after about 5 minutes into it.

"I never accomplish anything like this!!!" she wailed.

I realized I had failed. Granted, Riley has a very short stack of patience when it comes to learning something new and often gives up quickly if she's not a natural at it.  But I was very concerned that I was turning her off to making music for life (like I have turned her off to riding bikes forever and ever amen).

"Listen," I reasoned. "This is not about your inability to accomplish something; it's my fault. I should have started with something fun."

Eventually, I struck on a good reason for her to try again and we sat together at the piano. I put the piano primer aside and we played a good round of Chop Sticks. Then, I showed her the song you can play using a fist and the black keys. Then, I played the rhythm for Heart and Soul and I had her improvise a melody.

It was much better. And we even sounded good. I'd change up the tempo or synchopate it and she'd adjust to the mood. We had a blast. And I was able to work in some nuts and bolts: She can identify "C" on the piano and she knows that the musical alphabet goes from a to g and then starts over again.

I think that's a good start. She can be creative and hands on and I'll sneak in some technique as we go along.

Movin' In

I spent most of today making the new place look like we've always lived here. Plus I cleaned my fingers to the bones. It reminds me of a little poem my Mom used to say when she ironed:

I'm Girty Schmertz
I iron shirts
I iron shirts
'Til my fingers hurts

I'm not sure where she picked that little ditty up, maybe from my Grandma. Today is Grandma's birthday and i thought about her on and off all day. She was a cleaner and she loved to help people clean. I dusted, did the windows, scrubbed the floors and vacuumed. I cleaned the bathroom and got stuff put away. I did leave to go to the store and when I came back in the house, it smelled like Grandma had been here. And she was, kind of.

So, the house looks beautiful and I feel like I don't miss her so much. And now that the Cap'n and Spooky are here, I'm going to have a nice evening of snacks, puzzles and movies. And maybe some Yatzee.

Fortune Cookie Fail

So yesterday, I had a fortune cookie with this message: "You will move to a wonderful new home by the end of the year." Which is either really old news at this point or the universe has a strange sense of humor.

As you may or may not know, we hired a lawyer to start the bankruptcy process in August. This was after many angst-ridden discussions between me and Doc and my parents. The clincher was when my Dad said to me: If you want to stay in the house, we'll figure out how to do that. If you don't give a shit about the house, then we'll give it back to the bank and find something else.

It was at that point that I realized, hey...I don't give a shit about this house. It was liberating really. It allowed me to move forward and start to get us out of our financial prison.

What ended up happening is this: My parents wanted to invest in real estate while it's still cheap. We needed a place to rent. So they bought a house not far from ours that we all worked together to fix up and now Doc, the girls, the cat and I rent it and live there. You can see a picture of our fireplace in the banner for this blog. It turned out to be a good deal for all involved.

So we've spent the last couple of months moving and Tuesday, I had to move my desk at work. So you can imagine the chagrin with which I received the above fortune on Wednesday. I hope to God I don't have to move again this year.

I know fortune cookies do not have the insight of, say, a Mama Witch. But still...wouldn't that just be a kick in the teeth if I had to move again in 2010? And that would be the sort of irony and bad luck I've experienced this whole year. So many mistakes, miscommunications, and missteps. I'd just have to sit back and laugh. Then I'd put on my tin foil hat and find a nice warm bridge to live under.

Yeah, that'd teach the universe something.

Quoth the Cap'n

"When a witch offers you advice on Halloween, you probably ought to take it."

--Cap'n Ergo Jingobollocks

So, here we go with NaBloPoMo. I have committed to posting once a day every day for the month of November. And it is fitting that this inaugural blog post is inspired by the Cap'n because he got me started in this blog business in the first place, way back in 2004. I promise to post daily in November and I intend to make it meaningful.

Yesterday was Halloween and it is also known as Samhain (pronounced Saw-win by those in the know). It is a day when the veil between the living and the dead thins and we're supposed to be able to feel the presence of the dearly departed around us better at this time. It was an emotional day for me. I was singing in the choir at church and we were performing All Souls Night by Lorena Mckennitt. It's a really cool song and kind of ambitious for our choir of three. But we were joined by our pianist, a violin player, a flute player and a fourth singer with a very powerful voice.

The service was led by a Wiccan who took us through a focused meditation and also had us share sentimental items that we had that belonged to someone we loved who had passed. As you know, I've lost my Grandma this year and it was quite a painful experience and continues to ache. I tried to be open to contacting her spirit during the meditation, but I couldn't get there. I've done meditation before, but always laying down in the dark by myself, not sitting in a chair in a well-lit room full of people.

I became very emotional when I placed a photo of her and my Grandpa on the altar and tried to share the minimum (who are they and something about them) with the congregation. I got very choked up and I don't think anyone could understand what I said.

But we got to sing at the end and, really, music is my spirituality. When I sing or play music, I feel connected to life, the universe and everything. I opened my hands and closed my eyes and sang my heart out.

After the service, I was standing around with Spooky and the Captain and, I really have no better way to describe her, this old witch named Samantha (I'm not kidding) walked up to us and said, "I have a message for you...and you," pointing to Spooky then me.

"Your mother," she said to Spooky, "loves you and wants you to start taking care of yourself now. Stop worrying so much about others."

"And you," she said to me, "you need to stop being so stubborn. You're always going here and there, working and working. You need to have some fun, lighten up."

"Oh, ok," I said.

"Is your name 'Atlas'?" she asked.

"No," I said.

"Then stop trying to carry the world around on your back."

She then turned to the Cap'n and said, "And your halo's being held up by horns. You're quite the trixster...but not lately. You'd better get out there and start having fun too."

Then she hugged and kissed each of us and left the building. We stood there in wonder for a moment and The Cap'n concluded "When a witch offers you advice on Halloween, you probably ought to take it."

We smiled and then they drifted away into the post-church crowd and the sun began to blaze through the windows. It was a bit magical and I stepped outside to see the old mama witch pull away in her burgundy sedan. I stood there in the glory that is bright sunshine on an autumn morning. Heavy clouds hovered over the horizon. A breeze blew my hair around while the sun warmed my face and neck.

I felt loved and part of a spiritual family that means as much to me as my biological family. It includes my friends, old and new, who sing with me and challenge me to think about things differently. It also includes the memories I have of Grandma Jean, Grandpa, Aunt Gail. And now an old woman who mothered me out of nowhere and blessed me with her insights and kindness.

And when my friends found me out front, I was so glad to see them again. And I thought: Maybe this was what heaven was like.

I hope so.

Wheat, Chaff, Circled Wagons

It's been tough around here lately, folks, a hell of a ride. As we make huge transitions, we are learning who our friends are for sure. And it's a painful process, like trying to navigate a field full of rakes. Every now and then, THWACK! And shock, pain, and tears form momentarily. But we pull together and the circle gets smaller. We are tough, my family and friends and we'll make it through, I believe. But we have paid a dear price and have the scars to prove it.

I realize I'm being vague. I'll tell you more later. I'm on my way to Cleveland for a work related romp. I should have time to fill in the blanks.

I look forward to catching up with you. Take care and wish me luck. I'm gonna need all I can get.

Notes from the Couch

I'm on the poofy couch listening to Doc and Lucy play Lego Indiana Jones and Riley reading tongue twisters. The yard has been tended to, but the flower beds are asking "What about us?" And I'm telling them to relax because they now qualify as Jungle Chic.

Here's a summary of my vacation:

• 
  
  I love my job, but I think the stress of it all was getting to me. These five days were needed for me to recharge my brain and soul a bit.
• 
  

  

  Buster Keaton's
  Buster Keaton Face

  I've laughed and I've cried...I don't like to cry. I usually can't stop if I start. Doc complains about my "Buster Keaton" face, but sometimes, it's either that or Niagra Falls.
• Things are tough vis a vis ye olde bank account right now. Doc and I are trying to figure out what to do next. We are definately at a crossroads, which people keep pointing out to us. I'm trying very hard to listen well to advice I'm getting from trusted sources. But any move right now is a risky one.
• I'm going back and forth wondering if there really is a God or if this is all just some grand accident of chemistry.
• Riley and I had a disagreement where we both dug in our heels and got mad at each other. But it was nothing a little homemade pizza offering couldn't cure.
• Mostly, even though things are tough, we are all finding ways to laugh a little, sing some, and hug it out.

So, I get back on the merry-go-round tomorrow. I hope when the alarm clock goes off, I'll find that spring in my step again that was missing last week. I know it's there...it just needed oiling.

Oh, and Riley just said, "By the way, Mom, don't come into my room..." I'm off to investigate.

Personal Expression Welcome!

So, we're most of the way through January, thank God, and I'm two weeks into my plan to lose weight and get in shape. I'm checking in with the National Body Challenge offered by Discovery Health, which has a progress checker and a place to record what you eat. The problem with the latter is that it's DEAD SLOW to add/edit items, so I probably won't enter every meal I eat. But I like to update my current weight and watch the little line drop down towards the x-axis goal line.

So far, I'm 5 pounds towards my 71 pounds to lose. That means now I really only need to lose 66 pounds. I feel like I've had a weight problem all my life, but If you'd have seen me in high school, you would have disagreed. I really can't believe that I thought I was so heavy in high school. It was probably a body image issue. The problem was that eventually, I sort of just gave up keeping active. Why bother if I'm already fat? Well, I wasn't fat and I ended up sliding out of a fitness regime.

Me, a junior in high school...

Me, 21 years later...

Depression had a lot to do with it, I'm sure. I struggled with that for 15 or 20 years. But I'm done with that. I'm seriously committed to making myself look better. And if I feel better to, then good.

Anyway, this isn't going to become a weight loss blog...or maybe it will, since it will give me some motivation to post again. But I just wanted to let you know what was going on. I hope that now that I'm out of the closet, weightwise, I can apply peer pressure to myself. Also, I don't want to come back in January 2011, check back on the previous year and realize I totally dropped the ball. So, I have my future self to answer to as well.

If I stick to the plan and all goes well, I should be at my goal weight by late summer. I'm also looping Doc into this...he's actually done some yoga with me once. I'm hoping that he'll continue with that. He did express interested in trying out the Brazillian dance video I got from the library yesterday. We'll see if he can keep up. Although the cutie that runs the dance is constantly encouraging us that "Personal Expression is Welcome!" and I think that's a policy Doc can get behind.

The Dream/Reality Barrier

So the other night, Lucy and I snuggled up and hit the hay. It was all comfy cozy as we watched some Futurama and dozed off. At some point in the night, I was dreaming that an intruder had made his way into my bedroom and was holding his hand over my mouth. I was struggling to move my head and get out from under his arm. I wasn't able to get away, but I did turn my head so I could bite him.

As I bit down on his arm, I began to wake up only to realize that it was actually LUCY'S ARM I was biting. She had flung it over my mouth as she tossed and turned in the night! I disengaged my teeth and she pulled her arm away and rolled over, completely unfazed. Creeped out, I tried to get back to sleep. But could only think of the lyrics to this song:

Grandpa's beard is long and gray
It grows longer every day
Grandma chews it in her sleep
Says it tastes like shredded wheat...

Disappointing Technology: Weather Maps

Walkie Talkie Talk

The girls got walkie talkies for Christmas and this is my favorite thing I heard them say through them:

"Do you have a visual on the kitchen...I repeat...do you have a visual...over"

Mysteries of the Universe: Walk-In Beer Coolers

Did you ever walk into one of those self-serve beer coolers in a convenience store? Bell Stores has them, I believe, among others. Well, on the rare occaision that I buy alcohol, I usually grab it on the way somewhere from a convenience store. I usually pull up in the parking lot and head into the store. Often, there are coolers of beer that you open up and select a six pack from and go merrily on your way. But sometimes, there are coolers that you must walk into. I'll be just fine, strolling along, everything's normal. Then I realize I've got to rescue my beer from a frozen tundra. So I open the door to the walk-in cooler, step inside, breath in once and suddenly...

I have to pee. And it's an emergency. No longer do I have the leisure to compare prices or choose what beer has the most appealing label. I have to grab some Budweiser and haul ass outta there. Usually, I'll need to set the beer down and get me to a lavatory. It's very inconvenient.

Does this ever happen to you? I mean, what the hell, right?

Old Stomping Ground

I've been in Cleveland for the week for work...pretty much holed up in the hotel/conference center. But tonight the gang and I went out to eat in my old neighborhood with my former co-worker, M. We had a great meal, laughed and rolled our way out to the car. We all piled into Buttercup's SUV and trooped off to Trader Joe's for supplies.


Getting to Trader Joe's meant driving almost past our old house. It really stirred up bittersweetness. Lucy was a baby in that house but we were so isolated. No close friends or family and a house that was sucking the life and money out of us. It was a very tough time emotionally for me for many reasons.


But still...I drive by and recall the sunny Saturday afternoons when the orthodox folks clad in black travelled on foot to Temple past our window. I remember my elderly neighbors' wild flower garden. I had a great little car and we could walk to about any store we needed to go to.


But mostly, it kind of sucked.


And driving past there opened a wound in my heart. Here I am on the road again, yet near some place I once called home. And I don't have Doc or Riley or Lucy with me. It was a pang and a longing. And some pretty deep sadness. We'd really been through the shit there.


I got back to the hotel and logged into Facebook so that I could dive into my photos of the kids and Doc and soak them up until someone picked up the phone at home.


Poor Doc...all hemmed up with a cold and donuts everywhere at work. The kids are pooped...Grandma is pooped. We're all strung out and discombobulated.


But tomorrow, I'll land back in my nest in my cozy home with near my family and friends. I really want to soak it up to, because, in a way, we've really emerged from a tunnel in into that far-distant light. Sure, we may still be essentially broke. But we've got everything we didn't have in Cleveland: good friends, good neighbors, family close by, jobs we like if not love, kids in school and thriving. And I can't remember the last time I felt depressed.


Maybe the force is finally with me...

Bleurg! Post ER Droops

Last night, Lucy was trying to keep up with Riley on the trampoline. The were doing running somersaults and Lucy landed on her head funny. She was inconsolable, though she was able to move her arms and legs, so I knew she was somewhat ok. I moved her into the house. Every time she needed to turn her head, her forehead would rumple and fear dissolved into her eyes.

I was pretty sure she was ok, but I couldn't console her. I managed to get some ibuprofen in her, but I was scared. So, I called my parents and the urged me to call 911. And I did. The fire station is like a half a block from our house and they were there in no time flat. They got her neck in a brace and loaded her onto the ambulance. We headed over to the hospital "nice and easy," which meant no sirens or lights.

In the mean time, my parents had shown up and were looking after Riley. A mom convention had spontaneously started on the front lawn as my neighbors gathered to see if they could help or at least find out what was going on.

Needless to say, Lucy is fine, if a bit sore. We spent about 3 hours at the ER where Lucy proceeded to charm the pants off of everyone she met. With her neck secured, she was no longer in pain and perked up quite a bit. When we got home, my parents doted on her for a while and headed on their way home.

Lucy and I sat up for a bit until I convinced her to lay down in bed with me. We watched the Simpsons as I waited for her little eyes to slip shut. We finally conked out, exhausted.

So, I'm dragging booty today. But It's a good tired...my baby is fine.

Grrr!

I just had lunch next to the most obnoxious dozen people! Not only did they all talk loudly and smugly, but they talked about boring shit. Ugh! They all appeared to be co-workers because they had that sort of comraderie one finds in a machine shop. I'm sure they were in manufacturing because of their swagger and their work talk was technical.

The worst, though, was the adnoidal woman of a certain age who went on ad nauseum about how nice and "womanly" it was to have lunch with just women. Imagine! They only talked about sales and it was so relaxing! No one mentioned construction, or, one presumes, math. They just were girly!

She also went on at length about a trial she was on the jury for, which I won't burden you with. I was ready to impale myself on my drinking straw by the end of my meal when she started talking about someone's birthday at the table and whom did that man secretly want to spank ::winkwink::.

Needless to say, I read 1.5 pages of my book...8 times. Next time, I will trust my instincts and go ahead and ask for a different table before I even sit down.

Now I'm in such a bad mood, nothing but a ton of comments on this post will make me feel better.

The Canoe Trip: On the Homefront

While Doc was on his canoe trip a couple of weeks ago, I got to spend a few evenings at tiki. One night, Wednesday, which is traditionally tiki night, I got to hang out with my neighbor dudes and one of my coworkers. And what did we talk about? Cable wiring, in particular, RGB, HD, the value of having multiple boxes. At one point, I was like, "Seriously? This is what you talk about at tiki?" No one answered me, of course, because they were all in the throes of a heated debate over who was right on a job site issue. Three of the guys were working together to expand the patio of a local bar. Markus had said he didn't want to talk shop at tiki but one of the other guys persisted. I think they were looking to my other neighbor, Jerry the Cable Guy, to add his opinion and resolve the matter.

I have no idea if it was settled or not since I was bored out of my mind...and I'd had a couple of beers. So, at the first breath in the conversation, I said, "Peace out" and headed home. What a bummer. But I understand work issues, particularly political ones, can be the source of endless debate and conversation for those directly involved. Since I wasn't involved and the subject matter wasn't sexy enough for my taste, I couldn't be compelled to stay. I did try to hang in there, though and learn something. But beer on top of a full day's work triumphed and led me to bed.

It was a much different experience the following Saturday, after we got home. I had slipped over to the Tiki for a quick break and found Frank there alone. He gave me a beer, as he is wont to do and started a conversation. We ended up talking about relativity, which was a trip as it was a concept he was unfamiliar with and he kept trying to grok my meaning. We were both the worse for the beer and I found myself struggling to explain while he struggled to understand. This was more the type of conversation I was looking for. I think I might have helped him create a new wrinkle in his brain.

However, things turned ugly after a while, since he started to complain about the actions the government (he's not a fan) are taking to set up universal heath care. He's very upset that they are trying to spend money they don't have, since they robbed social security to pay for the war and other pet projects. He was very vocal in his outrage, so much so that I found myself listening more intently. People who yell don't scare me anymore and I believe they are yelling so they can be heard. So rather than fight back, I try to set aside my interior monologue and just listen.

I'm somewhat of a fan of government. I appreciate the protection it provides and I believe that, people being people, there will always be some foolishness involved. So I don't sweat the red tape, the bureaucracy, the inherent unfairness of the fact that the government can over extend itself financially, but I get busted for $39.50 if I overdraft my checking accont by seventy-nine cents. But after Frank's outcries, I'm starting to smart a little bit more from the unfairness.

I'm not sure what Frank hoped to get out of that conversation. Perhaps some catharsis. Perhaps some action. But here's a guy who's self-employed and a host of problems stemming from money (just like most of us have) and he's mad as hell and doesn't want to take it anymore. People are so wrapped up in their own financial maelstorms that they can't or won't look at the source...the butterfly flapping it's wings. And will killing the butterfly fix it? This is where Frank and I disagree. But there must be some middle ground, right?

Shaping up and shipping out

I'm turning this lurching barge of a life around and transforming it into a lithe sailboat that is complex yet fine tuned. One might say I'm trading in the African Queen for the True Love. I'm tired of getting caught up short on things. I hate clanging a wrench on the steam engine of my life to get it running. I'd rather do a series of graceful movements to make smooth transitions over placid bodies of water. I don't want to drag this thing through the swamps encountering leeches, slugs and all manner insects. Especially now, with two kids in school (gasp), I need to stay on top of things. And I'd like to do it with some panache.

Here's a list of what I've done so far:

• Organized the kitchen cupboards
• Removed the excess layer of crappy toys from the girls rooms
• Set up a "cozy corner" in their bedrooms so they have a spot to read
• Organized Riley's armoir...I ran out of time to do Lucy's drawers and closet yesterday
• Rearranged furniture
• Adopted a stern tone and voiced my expectations clearly and resolutely
• Cancelled the cable (just internet and netflix. It's good for you...)

Doc and I are the baby and the only child respectively in our familes and let's just say that we've both experienced some discipline issues in the past. To put it plainly, we procrastinate. Well, not anymore. Now, it is my plan to get the work out of the way before goofing off. It's just like my Mom told me it should be. And I hope to have all hands on deck for this. I'm sure it's going to take more than a whistle to make it happen; we are all so daggone independent. But I think the benefits of teamwork will reveal themselves in this endeavor.

Mom was right of course. I'm happier when I leave the house and it's standing tall, rather than dashing off and coming home to one mess or another. Also, it feels good to have everything ready in advance. I'm hoping the feeling is addictive...and contagious. I'm also more open to others when I know I don't have anything hanging over my head. I want to be a better friend, daughter, mother, wife...

Wish me luck and bon voyage that I can trade my clunker in for style, grace and peace.

If Doc's Huck Finning It, I'm Tom Sawyering It

Recently, my friend and colleague, Valerie, posted the above picture on Facebook and asked if anybody wanted the furniture. I happened to catch the notice first and jumped on it with both feet. So as of Sunday, my family left and this furniture arrived. Well, my Dad and I went to get it. Of course, there is far less snow on it now.

Over all, the furniture is in decent shape. It's a bit weather-beaten and it might need some reinforcement, but, then again, who doesn't need a bit of TLC? So, my project for the week has been to beautify this wonderful Adirondack furniture.

Monday night:

• Went to Home Depot and bought sea foam green stain, indoor/outdoor paint, brushes, etc.
• Began to stain the furniture.
• My mind wandered as I spread stain and listened to the crows and locusts. I was glad to be able to do this project uninterrupted with no one giving me advice or taking it over
• My neighbor Wally walked over and took the brush from my hand and showed me how I ought to do it
• I finished the stain, the 50% chance of thunderstorms falling in my favor
• I walked over to the Tiki and had one beer on an empty stomach
• I staggered home and hit the hay with some Murder, She Wrote

Tuesday night:

• I grabbed a bite to eat on the way home
• I goofed off on the computer for too long
• I began painting the decorations on the furniture, whose stain looks lovely (I can't take a picture; Doc has the camera)
• I completed the design on one of the love seats and nearly completed the other, but ran out of light
• I had one beer, hit the hay with some Newhart

Tonight I plan on going straight home and finishing my designs while it's still light out. I also want to paint a quote or aphorism on the cross-pieces of the love seats. Something short and sweet. I was thinking maybe "Tempis Fugit," but I'm not completely sold. What do you think?

The Canoe Trip

So Doc is about to whisk himself and the kids off to the country and I'll be a virtual bachelorette for five days. Of course I'll be working for four of those days, but I'll have my evenings free to spend as I wish. I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do with myself. Here are some of the things I'm considering:

• Organizing the junk drawer
• Painting the living room
• Getting the kids' clothes ready for school
• Finishing my novel
• Squandering every night sipping mojitos in the swamp

Got any other ideas?

Netflix Has It In For Me

Click to Enlarge.

Wish me luck!

Bitchin' Camaro Vermont Style

I've landed in Vermont and this is the view out of my window. Don't get me wrong, I'm in one of the best places I've ever stayed at:

• Kitchenette
• King Sized Bed
• Two TV's
• Leather furniture
• A chair with wheels and a wood floor to roll it on

Fabulous!

Sadly, though, I'm sitting here working, watching a Friends Christmas episode. Ah well...