Friday, November 24, 2006

People I'd Love To Shop With: Black Friday Edition

It's going to take a team to shop on Black Friday, folks. In order to even cross the threshold of any marketplace, I'm going to need security and I'd love to have Worf there to clear a path, guard my back and to have phasers ready and set to stun. It will also be handy have him along so that we can use his access to the transporter and have our packages beamed directly home. Maybe he'd be willing to drive us in the shuttle craft, eliminating any parking problems we may face.

I'd love to shop with Celine Dion on this frenzied day of shopping. Her goofiness will keep us all in stitches as we haggle and struggle our way through the mall. She will also have a fresh perspective on what to get the person on my shopping list who has everything, though I'm sure I will have to say no over and over again to the suggestion that I pick up several ounces of her signature cologne. If we're stuck in a long line somewhere, she could entertain the masses by singing Christmas carols.

Dirty will need to come too. She is a seasoned Black Friday shopper and her mad Treo skills can save us much time by helping us to track down where we need to go to be sure to get that hot item that is hard to find. Besides, I will need someone with me who will be game for making fun of people coming and going out of Hot Topic.

And, I'm sorry I don't remember his name (please let me know in the comments if you think of it) but the guy from Barneys New York who commentates on VH-1's I Love the 80's. He's savvy about retail and fashion and he will be frank with me about the gifts I pick out, telling me when I begin to get overly sentimental. Also, I'm sure he'll be able to impress the clerks with his celebrity and coax them to get us discounts. Besides, his cutting wit and keen observations will help us greatly as we people watch along the way.

We will shop till we drop and then head over to the Martini Lounge for overpriced drinks and overly gourmet food. But there will be many hunky bartenders and waiters who will fawn over us as we rest our weary feet, satisfied with the day's purchases.


  1. Haha...I'm there. I simply can't resist making fun of people coming out of Hot Topic...people watching is an art that can only be mastered with laughter.

    I'm scared to go out's going to be a mad house. At least I didn't wait in a line at 4am to save two dollars on something...and run into the store like a mad woman. Although I always dreamed of doing that...I was still drunk at 4am.

  2. Jeez, it's 2 in the afternoon and half of us still ain't dressed. I don't think we're making it out before 5, which is just as well as a) we ain't gots no $$$ to BUY anything with and B) by that point most of the troops will be headin' home, having gotten there 10 hours earlier... Madfolken.

  3. Thanks for leaving me out. Black Friday shopping is something I cannot tolerate. I'll be at the bar and I'll make sure your martini is waiting for you.