Leadership Quirks

I dream about the day when I will be running things. I know an awful lot about running things because my job requires me to study how to run things and to tell other people how they should run things (I love my job). I have also conducted my own, informal running things study. My study began after I had an epiphany while watching an episode of Scrubs. The Chief of Medicine realizes that the only way to unify his staff is by making them hate him for the whimsical nature of the minor punishments he randomly deals out. Brilliant! I thought to myself. It was then that I decided to cultivate my own evil quirks that I will use to make my subordinates bind together in their mild hate for me. Here they are:

• I will arrive to work fifteen minutes after everyone else begins and demand that my office be opened for me in advance and that the lights, which are incandescent not florescent, are turned on and my computer is started before my arrival. I will be the only one with incandescent lights. It will be part of my contract demands when I'm hired on/promoted.


• I will only write with a certain type of blue pen, which is very expensive and hard to find. I will also have a tendancy to lose said pens regularly and blame a random staffer for it.


• I will delegate all of my filing duties to the staffer with the most education, maybe someone who is older than I am.


• I will feign ignorance when it comes to using the copy machine and the fax machine.


• I will deny 10% of vacation day requests in a random manner

I think those five things would be enough to make a staff hate me. I would be sure to release these evil quirks evenly by making sure that no one person took the brunt of all of them. I'll spread it around. They will hate me for these behaviors, but not enough to actually leave their post. Plus, they will work like a well-oiled machine, having built so much trust with each other through shared hatred.

Hmmm...Building trust through shared hatred. It's quite a team motto, don't you think?

What are your evil leadership quirks?