I'm Feeling Psychic Today
Anyone care for a reading? Leave your queries in the comments. I shall then consult the spirits on the other side and lend you their guidance. Their beacons of wisdom shall hit me in the forehead and awaken my vocabulary. I shall unleash their knowledge in the public park of this blog. I will try to pick up their psychic poop and dispose of it appropriately. Labels: Psychical Shop
posted by Jenny Jenny Flannery at
11:42 AM
33 Comments:
There was a Chicago Colonic Institute not too far from my house. I'm not making this up.
I never visited them.
Also not far away, just down the street from Wrigley Field is the Illinois Cremation Society. I can only imagine the discussions at their meetings.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007 12:00:00 PM
Will this breakout on my face clear up in time for Friday?
Wednesday, May 30, 2007 12:20:00 PM
Am I really pregnant or just fat?
When will the baby arrive?
Should I finish vacuuming the house?
Wednesday, May 30, 2007 12:25:00 PM
Why are people so dumb?
Will my new classroom be anything like it was in the dream I had last nite?
Are things getting better or are they getting worse?
Explain Genesis 19 to me, please, and post the comments on MY blog.
What should we have for dinner, potatoes or stuffing?
Wednesday, May 30, 2007 1:44:00 PM
BTW, it's enterprising that you're selling phone cards, too!! Good thinking!
Wednesday, May 30, 2007 1:44:00 PM
Johnny Yen: According to my spirit guides, the folks at the Illinois Cremation Society discuss cremation, cremains, pricing, parking, scattering techniques and locales, and those pussy morticians and their uneccessary embalming fluid.
K.I.D.: Most definately.
Tanya Espanya: Girlfriend, you are pregnant and I don't need my psychic friends to help me with this one.
The baby will arrive June 7.
Do not, under any circumstances, vacuum the house! You will end up stubbing your toe or barking your shin. It's not worth it. Have some pudding and take a nap.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007 1:48:00 PM
Big Orange:
Q: Why are people so dumb?
A: A suffusion of yellow
Q: Will my new classroom be anything like it was in the dream I had last nite?
A: No.
Q: Are things getting better or are they getting worse?
A: Stuff's getting better, stuff's getting better all the time.
Q: Explain Genesis 19 to me, please, and post the comments on MY blog.
A: If I have to explain it, then it won't be as funny.
A: What should we have for dinner, potatoes or stuffing?
B: Ramen.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007 1:58:00 PM
What will I find in my mailbox when I get home?
Did I turn the oven off before I left for work?
Wednesday, May 30, 2007 3:27:00 PM
Chris:
Q: What will I find in my mailbox when I get home?
A: Two bills and a Home Depot flier.
Q: Did I turn the oven off before I left for work?
A: You didn't use your oven this morning.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007 3:36:00 PM
Flannery! I didn't check this in time and I finished vacuuming, AND washed the kitchen floor.
The baby can arrive any time after June 4 (that's when my mum comes back from catching my brother's new baby, in Spain). We're under strict orders to wait until then.
But tonight I'm going out for Indian and then a comedy club so we'll see what happens.
:)
Wednesday, May 30, 2007 3:42:00 PM
Will the Cleveland Browns ever win a Super Bowl?
that's all I really want to know...
Wednesday, May 30, 2007 4:10:00 PM
Flannery, sorry I am late to ask, but I just have to know!
When snow melts, where does the white go???
Wednesday, May 30, 2007 4:18:00 PM
Should I start work on the June issue author corrections, or go out for ice cream?
Why is it so damn hot?
If I placed an order with macmall on Monday and paid for overnight shipping, when should I expect my items to arrive?
Wednesday, May 30, 2007 4:23:00 PM
Genn6:
Q: Will the Cleveland Browns ever win a Super Bowl?
A: No.
Skyler's Dad:
Q: When snow melts, where does the white go???
A: To the suburbs.
Deadspot:
Q: Should I start work on the June issue author corrections, or go out for ice cream?
A: Attend to your work...an ice cream surplus is in your future and you won't want to overdo it today.
Q: Why is it so damn hot?
A: We are closer to the sun than we were last month. And the sun is hot. In fact the sun is a mass of incandescent gas, a gigantic nuclear furnace. Where hydrogen is built into helium at a temperature of millions of degrees.
Q: If I placed an order with macmall on Monday and paid for overnight shipping, when should I expect my items to arrive?
A: Thursday.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007 4:33:00 PM
Will I ever meet that tall, dark, handsome stranger? Will I inherit a large sum of money from a rich relative I've never heard of? Is there really a basement in the Alamo? Please answer quickly, Comcast is charging me 99 cents a minute for this.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007 4:44:00 PM
Beckeye:
Q. Will I ever meet that tall, dark, handsome stranger?
A: You will meet a tall, blonde, cute guy and fall madly in love...this July. His name is Kevin. He hums when he eats, though, which might be a problem.
Q: Will I inherit a large sum of money from a rich relative I've never heard of?
A: No.
Q: Is there really a basement in the Alamo?
A: No.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007 4:50:00 PM
Oh Great and Wise Flannery, when I say that I'm never getting married again, do I really mean it this time?
Wednesday, May 30, 2007 5:57:00 PM
Viki: Yes, you do.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007 6:50:00 PM
Go Vikki!
heheehe!! The white goes to th' suburbs!! hehehehehe!!
Wednesday, May 30, 2007 7:34:00 PM
Will I ever get laid?
Does he like me for my mind or just my body?
Wednesday, May 30, 2007 8:06:00 PM
Will I ever lose weight?
Will I complete the half marathon that I want to?
Wednesday, May 30, 2007 9:11:00 PM
Boob Lady:
Q: Will I ever get laid?
A: Yes...August 4th.
Q: Does he like me for my mind or just my body?
A: For both.
Amy:
Q: Will I ever lose weight?
A: Yes.
Q: Will I complete the half marathon that I want to?
A: You will complete it and come in 7th place. Although you will vomit twice, you will mangage to keep it out of your hair and you will miss your shoes.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007 9:42:00 PM
Sorry folks...that was me!
Wednesday, May 30, 2007 9:43:00 PM
Will I have to wish you a happy birthday today?
Thursday, May 31, 2007 8:30:00 AM
Wrong! It's Thursd...
Howdyoudodat?
Thursday, May 31, 2007 9:29:00 AM
Flannery, why can't people use The Magic Handle and flush the goddamn toilet?? Is it THAT complicated??
Thursday, May 31, 2007 9:47:00 AM
Chris:
Q: Will I have to wish you a happy birthday today?
A: Yes.
Deadspot:
Q: Wrong! It's Thursd... Howdyoudodat?
A: I'm psychic.
10,000 Spoons:
Q: Flannery, why can't people use The Magic Handle and flush the goddamn toilet?? Is it THAT complicated??
A: It's not that complicated, maybe she's trying to hide the fact that the toilet is broken.
Thursday, May 31, 2007 11:02:00 AM
Will I be successful in life or will I be reduced to selling fortunes and taking phone company's advertisements in the window to pay rent? Oh wait, sorry about that.
Thursday, May 31, 2007 4:48:00 PM
Oh, you!
Thursday, May 31, 2007 5:13:00 PM
If I started asking questions, we'd be here all night.
Thursday, May 31, 2007 11:41:00 PM
Apart from my obsession with video games and procrastination, why have I not been commenting as much lately?
Friday, June 01, 2007 4:07:00 PM
Elizabeth: You already know what the future holds.
Dale:
Q: Apart from my obsession with video games and procrastination, why have I not been commenting as much lately?
A: Too much bunny-hopping in the rain.
Friday, June 01, 2007 10:56:00 PM
Amazing post Flannery, I almost peed myself reading all the answers.. Thanks!!
Sunday, June 03, 2007 5:03:00 PM
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