Tuesday, January 22, 2008

In Monopoly, Doc is spelled G-O-D.


If you are Doc and you’re reading this, I know you just got a blast of the blasphemous and you are feeling very uncomfortable with the title of this post. Forgive me Doc; I do know what I’m doing.

For those of you who haven’t had an opportunity to play Monopoly with Doc, I will tell you this: His skills are godlike. In the eleven years that I have known him, I have beaten him once at Monopoly. Once. If you know me at all you must also know that this makes me crazy. I don’t like to lose. I know how to lose graciously because I am a good sport. Please don’t mistake that for pleasure.

Mind you, Doc is the kindliest Monopoly player you’ll ever have the misfortune to tangle with. He never taunts you or screams “That’s what I’m talkin’ about!” when he gets a good roll. But if he agrees to deal with you: you’re screwed. And there’s something godlike in that, I believe.

Doc has this freaky aura of the predestined when he sits down to play this game. He is the one who wins. You are at his mercy. He’s in control of the game from the beginning. If you make a deal with him that seems like it will get you farther ahead in the game, it ends up cutting you off at the knees. Better to trust your luck on your own, play by the rules and make incremental progress.


Because he’s a nice guy, he usually doesn’t toy with you, but he could if he wanted to. He’s got the loopholes covered. It is a rare case when Doc, like the gods, ends up with the fuzzy end of the lollipop. It is usually the lowly human who is stuck tied to a rock being eaten by hawks, damned to wander the earth as a donkey, or doomed to lose against him in a game of chance. Don’t let those dimples and baby-blues fool you; inside all gods is an unbendable core of steel. Rather than try to work around them, it’s best to keep your eyes open, mind your p’s and q’s, and look for a chance to advance on your own.

17 comments:

  1. While this is flattering, it simply isn't true. There are a few simple rules that you need to follow to win, or at least do well. Early in the game keep at least $100 "walking cash", later as the board gets more expensive, start increasing your "walking cash". At the begining of the game when there are still properties open and you wind up in jail, pay up and get out. Later try to roll your way out and save your money. Try and buy the yellows or reds and railroads. Also don't sneer at the utilities. The cheap ones are easy to develop but provide little income and they don't really hurt anyone as they just passed Go. Don't ever buy the green ones other than to trade them off or to keep them from someone else. You can make big money from them but they are too expensive to develop for the money. If there is a piece that you need from a player, trade with another player until you have one that they need. Don't be afraid to offer some cash or a "free ride/s". This is enough to sway the most stubburn player.

    Oh yeah, always play with free parking, meaning all the money that is paid that doesn't go to a player (taxes, fines, bail, etc.) goes in the middle. The first one to land on free parking gets the money. It can make for a longer game, but it can also make a clear winner quickly.

    There, you have all my secrets, now go fleece your friends and neighbors.

    Doc

    ReplyDelete
  2. But tell us what we really want to know - is he the thimble, the shoe, or the dog?

    ReplyDelete
  3. I did tell you; he's the hat. He plays it brim-up so it can catch all his money.

    ReplyDelete
  4. From time to time, Doc could easily be spelled D-O-N as well, as it sounds like he has the whole Capo persona wrapped up...Hello Mr. Trump.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am exactly the same way, only with Candyland...

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh, stop it, Doc; you are uniquely gifted at Monopoly.

    I don't know about Don, Jeff...I never get a feeling of menace from Doc. I would call myself more of a "Don"; I'm always looking for ways around the rules and how to get away without paying any rent.

    SD: Why does this not surprise me?

    ReplyDelete
  7. This supports my previously stated theory of Doc being a genius.

    ReplyDelete
  8. ::sigh:: I've been playing monopoly for years with a little electronic game thingie... I've never known enuff people who are willing to take the time to play...

    ReplyDelete
  9. Bsuwg- I would very much like to claim that I'm a genius, but the truth is I just test well. By your own definition I am a boot wearing, flannel clad, bona fide hoosier.

    Loved your book, Tales of the Midwest, by the way. I've been meaning to stop by your place and tell what a wonderful tale I think it is. Oddly enough, I grew up with the exact same people you did, only a little further north.

    Doc

    ReplyDelete
  10. He's lucky AND modest. I don't know whether to pick the admire verb or the hate one. Maybe you should get him into the REAL real-estate game and retire.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I hate Monopoly. I don't think I've ever won a game in my life.

    I'd challenge Doc to a game of Scrabble though, fo' shizzle.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Beckeye- I suck at Scrabble as I can't spell, but thanks for the offer.

    Doc

    ReplyDelete
  13. I stink at Monopoly. Anyone who plays me always wins. But I'm awesome at Pictionary. Maybe I should look into that Star Wars Monopoly, it might be easier.

    ReplyDelete
  14. this country is in the middle of a housing crisis and this fool is playing mad genius in the corner with all of Park Place looking to get evicted. ;(

    ReplyDelete
  15. Monopoly was never my game but I did play a Monopoly slot machine in Vegas and won more than I expected! If Doc had been there, who knows how rich I'd have become?

    ReplyDelete