Sunday, January 27, 2008

Parents Say The Darndest Things!

Seriously. I'm amazed at some of the things that come out of my mouth:

  • Why is there cat food in this umbrella?
  • Don't drink the jelly
  • Butter is not a toy
  • No, I will not smell your hand
  • Because I said so
  • Please don't put snow down your pants
  • Why did you sit on that egg?
  • Who put my keys in the freezer?
  • It's not a good idea to dance naked in the window, even if you do give me the thumbs up sign
  • Don't stick the knife in the toaster
  • Take the scissors out of your mouth
  • Underwear does not go on your head
  • Don't put roller skates in the bathtub
  • Take the pretzels out of your nose
  • Put the sword down
  • Poop is not finger paint

Special thanks to Doc for his contributions...


  1. Nice collection. I would add

    "do NOT put that sandwich in the VCR"

  2. It's not often posts make me laugh out loud, so I like to acknowledge when it happens (like now).

  3. mine are similar, but they generally start with, "goddammit! What the hell is going on??"

  4. Thank you Riley for not letting your mom drink and drive by hiding the keys in the freezer.

  5. um...Doc wasn't the one you had to call down from dancing naked in the window I hope!!!

  6. I think I could find a use for most of those lines - thanks for bringing them to my attention.

  7. While I laughed at this post as it was intended, after reading Genn6's comment I laughed even more imagining all of these were directed at Doc.

  8. Dammit. I've been beaten to the question about Doc's contributions. I need to get up earlier.

  9. I find myself channeling the spirit of my dad more and more as I grow older, with statements like "Because I said so, and I will knock you into next week if you don't settle down!"

  10. Doc really needs to behave better in front of those impressionable kids ...

  11. Deadspot,
    I am graciously unemployed and sleep in all the time now so that's no excuse my friend.

    Poor Doc, we're all pinning it back on him. I see another text message coming to me with him signaling the bird in my direction!

  12. If I had a dollar for every time my parents had to tell me to put down my sword...

  13. Wow, this list is like reading a review of my day. I frequently double up or even triple my statements, "Hey, put down that sword and leave the cat alone! And You stop jumping on the coffee table and bring that juice back into the kitchen!"

  14. This is all before 9 a.m. too isn't it?

  15. ohmygod, I love this! I can't wait to see what I'll end up saying in a couple of years.

  16. "Underwear does not go on your head"


    I had no idea.

  17. This is a hilarious list, by the way and it scares me how many of admonitions are applicable to my workplace.