Monday, June 30, 2008

The Devil's Own Cough

I have been suffering for a week now with the worst cough ever. It is like an involuntary spasm of coughing. There is a warning system which feels like a spider tickling the back of my throat and then I'm coughing uncontrollably. The cutest part of this whole deal is that it's worse at night so I can't really get a good night's sleep. I've been downing cough drops, cough suppressants and using an inhaler. But nothing seems to work. It's like either satan is fucking with me or God is punishing me. I can't figure out which. Oh, yeah...and sometimes I cough so hard, I pee a little bit, which is a real treat, let me tell you what.

I guess it's time to go to the doctor...


  1. Doctors are for sissies. Why [Wife #1] practically has to drug me to go see one of my 5 doctors or my surgeon.

    Warning! Unsolicited Advice: If you haven't tried it yet, prop yourself up and try sleeping at an angle.

  2. Thanks for the advice PG. I've tried it and it works, somewhat. But I really hate sleeping sitting up. I'm looking for answers from the realm of chemistry/apothocary.

  3. Alcohol.

    Lots and lots of Alcohol.

    You need to kill whatever evil is in the back of your throat before it grows any larger and erupts like Alien.

  4. Sounds like parainfluenza ( virus) which is going around and leaves a croup like cough.

  5. You say either Satan is fucking with you, or God is punishing you.

    Why does it have to be either/or? Couldn't it be both?

  6. Thanks for the tip, Revere...I hope it's curable.

    That's what I like about you, Vikki, you're a glass-half-full kind of gal.

  7. No sneezing or crap in your sinuses to speak of?