SANJAYA MUST GO!!!

He has comitted a mortal sin in the eyes of yours truly; he sang "Waiting for the World to Change," the great and terrible slacker anthem. As I listened to this "performance," my blood ran cold; my mild distaste for this poor, wispy little person turned to icy hatred. I won't quote the lyrics in their entirity, lest you fall over dead from the overdose of holier-than-thou apathy dripping from the insidious lips of John Mayer. Steel yourself, here they come:

me and all my friends

we're all misunderstood

they say we stand for nothing and

there's no way we ever could

now we see everything that's going wrong

with the world and those who lead it

we just feel like we don't have the means

to rise above and beat it

so we keep waiting

waiting on the world to change

we keep on waiting

waiting on the world to change

First of all, I must say, John Mayer is one passive-aggressive mutherfucker and has now replaced Mel Gibson as my new whipping boy. This song gives the youth of today an excuse for fiddling while Rome burns, in my opinion. After all, scorched earth is a changed world, right? And when everything is burned to the ground, these self-righteous do-nothings can say, "Hey, you never asked me what I thought; it ain't my fault." I also have issues with John Mayer driving me to use a phrase like "the youth of today," but more on him at a later date.

Secondly, the fact that Sanjaya sang this anthem to shrugging to his teeming hordes of tween speed-dialers, makes me crazy (you can't blame his success on the Vote for the Worst people either; their pick is Sundance Head). It is an obvious ploy to appeal to the young, priviledged girls of America, who are his base and can afford the "standard text messaging rates," and whose lithe manicured fingers never tire of dialing. By coupling his wispy swarthiness with pretend depth and angst, he doubles his exoticism by making him seem both worldly and world-weary, kryptonite to his voting bloc.

When I watched him sing this, I wanted to gnash my teeth, scratch at my face and raise my fists to the gods and shriek for vengeance, Elektra style. I knew this performance would guarantee him a final twelve spot. After I counted to what I could remember of 1-10, I returned to my senses; there are still plenty of other guys who can be sacrificed in the contest before Sanjaya. As long as Blake and Chris R. are safe, I will stay my righteous anger. Instead, I profer forth this plea to the privilidged parents of preteens everywhere:

Fathers be stern with your daughters;
Daughters will vote for this tool, yeah.
Girls become fans who turn dorks into stars,
So mothers be stern with your daughters, too.

Boys you can bet,
They aren't interested in this shit.
Boys will ignore, and boys will move on,
But boys will be doomed if they don't vote

For Melinda's good, good voice.

On behalf of every fan, searching for a real winner,
You are in charge! Cut off her cell phone.
On behalf of every fan who needs real talent to win,
You are the hope, and can put an end to this cornpone.

Fathers be stern with your daughters,
Daughters will vote for this tool, yeah.
Girls become fans who turn dorks into stars,

So mothers be stern with your daughters, too.

So mothers be stern with your daughters, too.