Tuesday, November 20, 2007

I Need Advice

How do you tell a friend that a staple of his wardrobe does him no favors. This particular item does no one favors, in fact. It is an old turtleck with the neck part not folded down, but standing up. Also, all of his t-necks are very old, so the neck is stretched out and stands away from his neck, encircling it like an upside down hoop skirt. He's a good looking fellow, but his turtleneck is standing in his way of finding true love, I think.

And speaking of necks, the turtleneck does no favors to one with a short neck, and I say this because I have a short neck and you won't catch me in any top that meets my ears. Besides, when you have a larger chest, like both he and I do, it looks like the girls are hanging from your chin. I want to tell him to wear open collared shirts, to layer. His collar bone should be showing, otherwise, his head just sits right on his shoulders. But he never asked my opinion. And I don't think I can explain this unbidden. What do you think? I should probably mind my own business and pray to Princess Diana to intervene.

15 comments:

  1. If he is a friend, he should appreciate you looking out for him. Just don't do a public thing, take him aside into the cone of silence!

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  2. My personal rule is to keep my mouth shut. The only time I say anything is to my kids and when they are about to go out looking like they belong out walking the streets.

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  3. Force him to watch What Not To Wear with you and then bring it up.

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  4. TURTLENECKS? great goddess-- they don't MAKE those anymore?

    Maybe he should stick to dickies.

    Actually, i think you should find one of those farting Bubos dolls for 'em. They all look like they're wearing turtlenecks. And they also look like fat uncircumcised penises.

    There you go, tell 'em he looks like a dick. LITERALLY.

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  5. I'm leaning towards keeping my mouth shut at this point. While your ideas are good ones, I'm not sure I could get him to watch What not to Wear without firearms and duct tape.

    I'll let him ask me and continue to pour libations to Diana.

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  6. Maybe you could pray to Princess Di for me, too? I could really use a makeover.

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  7. I think if the item is a "staple," you can't really say anything. You'll need to spill something on him that won't come out in the wash and he'll have to get rid of the shirt, or just wear it around the house.

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  8. Probably best not to mention it. But if you do, make a huge over-the-top deal of it. Like, announce it to the whole office how god-afwul ugly his t-necks are.

    I used to work with a woman who wore turtlenecks a lot. One day, she didn't wear one, though -- and that's the day we all found out why she normally did. Turns out she was quite a bit more portly than anyone suspected. Seems the turtleneck hid her extra chins rather well.

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  9. I would say nothing, until he complains about never getting any dates, and then I would say, "Not with that wardrobe, you're not."

    But people kind of expect that shit from me. It might not work for a nice person.

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  10. I couldn't have been talking about you, Dale; you're perfect just the way you are.

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  11. Vikki: I like that. I will use it when the opportunity arises.

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  12. Beckeye, good answer!

    I guess my thought would be to not say anything, but that's only-child syndrome, I only care about how I look in turtlenecks. ;)

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