Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Valentine's Day

Some people believe Valentine's Day is a "Hallmark Holiday," created to make money for the greeting card companies. To this I say: Perhaps. However, in my experience, I've found that I quite like getting a beautiful, store bought card that has a sweet sentimental message about how awesome I am and how awesome we are together. So, I have never been able to turn my nose up at the consumerism of Valentine's Day. I like it too much. I like having a sweetheart. I like being someone's sweetheart. I like getting candy or flowers or a small teddy bear with a red bow on it. I like the acknowledgement. I also like to do the same for my beloved ones. It's a perfect excuse for someone like me who has turned down her squishy sentimental side to let hopeless romanticism fly.

In the spirit of the liberation of my own personal cupid, I recommend you let a little love in your heart and spring for some sentimentality this year. Buy a card. Buy a gift. What's the matter? on't know where to start? For the most part, you can count on advertising to let you know what the most appropriate Valentine's Day gifts are. But I would like to help keep you out of the dog house. So, here is a list of things you should avoid buying as Valentine's Day gifts.

  • Household appliances
  • Exercise equipment
  • How-to books
  • Sweats
  • Yarn
  • Motivational tapes for dealing with emotional vampires
  • Klingon Dictionary
  • Wallet
  • Carton of Cigarettes
  • Foil
  • Zip Strips
  • TurboTax
  • Java coding book
  • Odor-Eaters
  • White-Out
  • 3-hole punch
  • Coupon for tire rotation
  • Mulch

What would you like not to receive?


  1. I would like not to receive nothing. That's what I get most years.

  2. Oh, god... It's coming up, isn't it?? Please, someone just shoot me now.

  3. I would NOT like to be with a man who makes stupid excuses for NOT going that little extra mile for me on Valentine's Day!

    Yup, that's it!

  4. I don't know - nothing says 'I love you' like a carton of Kool's.

  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

  6. anyone surprised that there is absolutely nothing sexual listed herewithin? Is it 'cuz 10 years o' marriage does that to a person, or is it so obvious that it goes w/o saying?

  7. I like anything MizBubs gives me...of course, usually it's a bottle of extra-tasty bourbon, or a lovely dinner, or some combination.

    Your advice, though, is duly noted.

  8. What looser husband would get his wife something like your list has on it?

    (clears throat)

    Excuse me a minute, I have to go return something to Home Depot...

  9. A Weight Watchers gift card.

    As a happily in-love and blessed chick, please pray that this single chick gets what she wants this Valentine's Day.

  10. Ahh!! I didn't even remember till I saw an article on Yahoo today. Cooking dinner is a good thing right? Now I have to get all creative.

  11. No yarn? Hmm, I suppose the sewing repair kit and dust mop will have to do then.

  12. See, Flan, you're one of the lucky ones. I've spent way too many
    V-Day's alone, wearing black, and figuring out how bitter I want to be this year. (And I'm really not the bitter type, most days.)I haven't had a truly bad V-Day since I was 24; there have been at least glimmers in my dating life most years since, even when they didn't come with any specific gesture from any specific gentleman on Feb. 14.

    In fantasyland, what I want this V-Day is to have one day where EG and I never broke up, and we're together and happy. (He's a mess, but he's the most romantic SOB around.)

    In the land of the living, I'd happily settle for a nice dinner and maybe some dessert from New Boyfriend.

  13. Wait, sorry, got the question wrong. I would like not to get a Dear Jane between now and...well, a while from now, but definitely not 'til March.

  14. Terry, I know and I don't apologize!

    Amy, here, here!

    HL: Where's my gun?

    Elizabeth, Indeed!

    Frank: Throw some Jack Daniels in there and you have a deal!

    HL: No, it's because it's about what we don't want...

    Bubs: MizBubs sounds like she doesn't need any advice. Lucky you.

    SD: Sounds like my post came just in time!

    Beth: You got, girlfriend!

    Artful Dodger: It doesn't have to be creative, just good...

    Pezda's Ghost: Sigh.

    Red: So there's no hope for you and EG? Alas...

    Deadspot: Exactly!

  15. Where do I send my cards and gifts? I would not like to receive a kick in the nuts on Valentine's Day. Any other day? Okay.

  16. Flan, as long as there's a blogosphere, there's a chance. Cross your fingers!

  17. I wouldn't mind the cigarettes or the exercise equipment...not like I wouldn't use it.