Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Aunt Frances Chimes In: Honey, You're Going to Need to Tone it Down a Little

I know you're excited. But we don't need to let the neighbors down the street hear you. We all know what a bright little penny you are and that everyone thinks the sun rises and sets on your pretty little head. You don't have to broadcast it on the six o'clock news.

Frankly, though, I think you might be ready for a modesty check, myself. Back when I was a girl, we never tooted our own horn like girls these days do. It was good enough to know on the inside that we did a good job on our own. We didn't have to bask in other people's approval. What good is that, anyway? That and a quarter won't get you much anymore.

But you go ahead and throw your little celebration. I'll make the punch; I told you I would. Still, I think you might not want to hang your dreams on this, young lady. There will come a day when the weather changes and your friends will get distracted by some other new shiny object and drift away. Do you have the energy to continue to try to astonish everyone around you? You might think you do now, but wait 'til you have a husband and some younguns. Plus that high-powered job you're chasing. We'll see how much ta-dah you've got left in your girdle then.

Well, of course I love you, dear, I'm just tryin' to prepare you for captial-L Life. I want you to have your moment and you will. Just remember to bottle up the pride and joy you're feelin' and save it for the day when your dragging your tired self to work after a night of babies throwing up and husbands snoring, with the back of your skirt tucked into your panties and your slip hanging out. Just remember to carry the knowledge around that you are special and no amount of puke on your sleeve will change that.

Now come on and let's put the casserole on and let me brush out your hair 'til it shines.


  1. I think Auntie Frances nees to get a job workin' for Planned Parenthood...

    and Dr. Monkey, I just BET she keeps us all grounded... and we have to eat raw bread for dinner with a big glass o' tap water...

  2. We need a lot more Aunt Frances in teh world.

  3. Just another elderly voice in my head...