A Complex Complex

A few weeks ago, Doc, Madame E and I were hanging out. Talk turned, as it sometimes does in these situations, to Paris Hilton. We remarked the usual things people remark about when talking about her: her feud with Nicole Ritchie, her inexplicable fame, her money.

"You know what really bugs me about Paris Hilton," I asked, "I think she's a bad influence on Lindsay Lohan." This statement got looks from my two good friends.

"Those girls," I began to expain, "They all seem to date the same guys and get into fights in clubs. I just wish poor Lindsay didn't stoop to that level."

"Well," Madame E offered, "She does come from a broken home; her father's a criminal and all of that."

"I suppose," I said, saddened a bit. "It's just that I'm kind of protective of her, you know. I watched her grow up in the movies. She starred in one of my very favorite movies, 'Parent Trap' as an eleven-year-old. I just hate to see her grow up to be a strung out, alcoholic, attention whore."

"We have four copies of that movie and the original," Doc added.

Ignoring him, I pressed on, "Maybe she'll pull a Drew Barrymore and start her own production company, start making good decisions with her life. I mean, she's had a lot of success and she's old enough now to begin directing her own life. Maybe she's smart enough be successful doing it."

"Two copies of the original Parent Trap and two copies of the new one." Doc continued dropping these facts undeterred.

"Well," I admitted, "It is one of my favorite movies of all time." I paused, steeling myself for a confession. "Do you know why I love that movie in all its iterations? I've always secretly hoped that I'd been separated at birth from a twin. It was a major wish-fulfillment movie for me."

"It's the Elvis Complex," Madame E declared. "All only children have it."

Stunned, I stared at her. "What!?!"

"Sure," she explained, "All only children dream they have a long-lost twin: The Elvis Complex."

Doc was puzzeled.

"Of course," I said, catching on, "He's buried next to his twin, who died at birth, at Graceland! Where did you hear about this Elvis Complex?"

"It's my own theory," she said.

"Wow," I was impressed, "You're right! I bet it is common among only children This is totally going in my blog."

*******

Now it is several weeks later and I've finally logged it. In the interim between the conversation above and now, I questioned another only child that I know, Big Orange.

"Did you ever wish you had a twin," I asked.

"I've thought of cloning myself..." he offered.

"No, I mean, as a kid, did you ever desparately wish that you had a long-lost twin somewhere out there?"

"Not really," he said.

"Hurrumph," I grunted.

So, has any other only child out there felt this way?