Tuesday, May 01, 2007

My Vampire Name

Your Vampire Name Is...

Athene of Pain
I like my Vampire name; I'm a huge fan of Athene. However I hate vampires. I don't like vampire movies, I don't like vampire stories, I won't eat Count Chocula. I pretty much hate everything about them. Here's why:
  1. They are wiley coercers who prey on the innocent and unsuspecting.
  2. They have no respect for the living or life
  3. They are very high maintainence
  4. They inspire goth types to become even more annoying
  5. They don't like garlic
  6. They drink blood
  7. They mock people
  8. They have made Anne Rice more rich and famous than she deserves to be, based on writing talent alone
  9. They are smug
  10. They usually speak in a ridiculous accent

I do appreciate a few things about them. They are snappy dressers and their ability to turn into mist is a very handy and totally awesome super power. But this is not enough to coax me into reading about them or watching a vampire movie, except of course for Dark Shadows.


  1. Say what you will about them... at least they aren't morning people.

  2. I am Homer of Turkey, now what the hell kind of vampire name is that!?

  3. Deadspot: You've got a point there!

    Skyler's Dad: D'oh!

  4. Empress the Cannibal, here.

    While my feelings are hurt by your purported distaste of vampires. I still view you, a mere mortal, with disdain.

  5. I am jealous of your vampire name.

  6. you will come to love the creatures of the dark, Flann... You love ME, right??? I'm totally with vamps... I just wish I was cool enuff to hang wid' em....

    you offered to edit our book, we can't be THAT bad of folk!!

  7. meanwhile, I'm "Donovan of the Damned." I feel cheated.

  8. I'm Luna the Morbid.

    You don't hate all vampire movies, what about that one with Adam Ant?

  9. I used to be obsessed with vampire stories when I was younger.

    Have you seen Billy Wirth in "The Lost Boys?" He could bite my neck any day.

  10. Winter: I know, it's good, right?

    BO: Please. Vampires suck. Hee! Donovan of the Dark...they called him Mellow Yellow...

    Elizabeth: Cool name. And yes, even the one with Adam Ant.

    Beckeye: Hated Lost Boys too. But I can understand Billy's appeal.

  11. Hannibal the Bloody. It works for me. Thank you for this valuable service. Not even the cereal? Come on.

  12. What about the Count, on Sesame St? You can't dislike him, "One, two, three, ah, ah, ah"

  13. Dale: You're welcome, and no, not even the cereal.

    Pezda: The Count is OK. He's too distracted by counting to suck blood. That's a vampire thing too: they have OCD when it comes to counting things. That's why one of the things you can do to deter a vampire from prowling the night is to dump a pile of rice near his coffin. Once he notices that pile of rice, he is compelled to count it all. The idea is that it will take him all night and he'll be forced to return to his coffin at dawn and therefore wreak no havoc among the living.