Monday, October 08, 2007


I've been living with Flea.

Let me rephrase that: I've been living with fleas. That's right, Midnight the wonder kitty brought them home. I don't know why she couldn't have just brought us a dead bird or a mole. And what with this heatwave of 87 degrees Fahrenheit and rising for the past week, those little buggers just seemed to flourish. Our ankles are ravished and covered with a Biblical itchiness that made me seriously consider donning a sandwich board proclaiming the end of the world is hand.

But cooler heads prevailed and Doc hid the tempra paints, so we were forced to deal with the problem head on. After two bottles of "Natural" insecticide, a half a bottle of carpet sprinkles, "Frontline Advantage" (Betty White, you are dead to me now) and endless loads of laundry: We still have fleas. So, the cat has been banished to the garage. Actually, she has it pretty sweet. Her cat food is in a new bowl, she's got biodegradable litter boxes, new treats, and she can go outside whenever she wants. Meanwhile, our dryer broke; it's now fluffy inside, since a chenille blanket practically exploded in there. I'm hoping I can take the back off the dryer and clean that shit out of there. Anything to avoid the laundromat, another place you can go to feel like God is punishing you.

Tonight is really important in the war against fleas: If a few things don't happen everything will spiral out of control. This must happen tonight:

  • Fix the dryer
  • Wash the clothes
  • Color my hair
  • Paint my nails (done)
  • Put ointment on the children
  • Finish treating the carpets
  • Replace the pillows

It's 7:39 p.m. I don't think I'll get to it.

Any advice? Not that any of you would be the type who would have fleas.


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  2. Get some flea fogger. The family (including the cat) will have to stay away from the house for a day, but it will be worth the trouble.

  3. One time I moved into a flea-infested apartment in college and the landlord had to totally rip out all the carpet to get rid of them. He let me and my roommates paint the concrete floor, which we did by drizzling paint everywhere. We thought we were so cool and didn't realize that our landlord was just being a cheap bastard.

  4. I agree with Elizabeth on the fogger idea, we did that one time and it worked well. Don't skimp on the foggers, go 1 per room. Cover up all the counter spaces cause that stuff puts down an oily sort of residue. Put away all the food so it doesn't get touched.

    If that doesn't work, I am with deadspot.

  5. I second the fogger idea. We did it once for fleas, and it did the trick.

    Good luck.

  6. Yup, flea bomb is the only thing that works. Get one that kills the fleas and the flea eggs that are already in your carpet.

    Then vacuum about a million times and try not to think about dead flea eggs in your carpet.

  7. You must bomb. When we lived in California they were the bane of my existence. Oh, the itching! Set off the bombs as directed and go have a fieldtrip day.

  8. Good luck with the flea eradication, Flann! That must suck.

  9. Pretty soon Betty White will be dead to everyone won't she? I knew the good luck couldn't hold Flannery, not that I wished fleas on you though. Ugh.

  10. we had head lice last year when someone gave it to our kids. We lucked out by having a "head lice vacation" after Dad put us up in a hotel for 4 days and the fuckers starved to death.

    I recommend it.

  11. File this away for a later infestation. Our pediatrician gave us this and it's like magic.

    When (not if, assuming you partake of the public education system) your children come home with lice, treat it with a 50/50 mix of white vinegar and mineral oil. You have to turn it into an emulsion, so putting it into a container you can seal and shake is your best bet.

    Work it into their hair and leave it for as long as they'll sit still. Use an old towel on their shoulders to help protect everything from the drips.

    The oil suffocates the lice, the vinegar cuts the glue that sticks their eggs to the hair shafts, and your kids smell like a salad instead of a chemical factory.

    It's more effective than the commercial stuff, is easy on their hair and skin, and is dead cheap.

    When they can't stand being salad head anymore, comb through it with that fine tooth comb thingy, then shampoo their hair a couple of times to get rid of the oil.

  12. awww, that sucks...bad kitty kitty. I'd still rather deal with Midnight than what I've had with Stuart, I only feel so bad for you. ;)

  13. I like playing that one RHCP song on Guitar Hero.