Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Dale Interviews Flannery

I couldn't resist the lovely Dale's offer to interview me...

You're clearly a woman of many talents Flannery Alden. Among your educational pursuits and raising adorable children, I see on your sidebar that you're writing a novel. Pretend I'm secretly in publishing and this is your big pitch meeting. What's the damned thing about?

It's about this guy, you know? He's got it all together and everything begins to unravel, starting in his subconscious. There's death, intrigue, some drama, and perhaps, for flavor, a little bit of comic miscommunication and slapstick ala Three's Company. It's kind of a saucy, psychic mystery-caper with a car chase.

...Wait...are you secretly in publishing?

2. In scouring your blog, I jealously read of your encounter with one of my favourite authors David Sedaris and the lovely anniversary present he gave you. Do you have a wish list for other authors you'd like to meet and could it in any way be as good as your time with David as I call him?

I'm not sure anything could surpass my meeting with David Sedaris unless it was a longer meeting with David Sedaris. But the following authors would probably come pretty close:
  • John Irving
  • Bill Bryson
  • Tyra Banks (she's written a book, right?)
  • J.K. Rowling
3. If you were on American Idol tonight with Barry Gibb (is he the dead one?), which of his songs or any other disco song would you perform? Would you wear the white suit or go out on your own?

Just to clarify, I believe Barry Gibb is still living. Brothers Andy and Maurice have walked on. I don't know if I could choose one song of his...I loathe most of them. But I would probably go with "Jive Talking." If it could be any disco song, it would of course be "I Will Survive." I've had lots of practice singing this song; it's on my SingStar game.

4. You and Big Orange seem to have each other's backs. Who is this big fruit and why do you like him?

Where do I begin with Big Orange? How about at the beginning...When I was a freshman in college I stayed in a dorm, like many other college students have done. During the first week of classes, our RA held a "meet and greet" for all the people on the 11th floor. I was bored. There were many lame-o's and poseurs. The introductions made their way around the room until it was BO's turn. When he began to speak, I was totally engulfed in picking the fuzz off of the arm of the cheap-o dorm furniture. As I listened to his lovely voice I was compelled to pause in my efforts of snatching the old plaid couch bald. I lifted my eyes to behold a long-haired, bedimpled young rogue who caught my heart when he mentioned casually that he played the bagpipes. Suddenly, the skies opened up and a beam of heavenly sunlight struck him as angels sang. Yes it was love.

We dated for a little over a year and then we broke up amicably. That was over 20 years ago and we're still friends. We parted ways because I was much too much of a prude to carry on with such an anarchic free spirit as himself. But he is very intellectually stimulating and hilarious. It's also extreme fun to induce a fit of giggles in him, what he calls a "pineapple upside down moment."

What do I like about him? He's smart. Very smart. Sometimes I can't keep up with him. He's probably the only person I know who can stump me in a conversation. He also finds me funny, a very important qualificiation for my friends to have. BO is a very sweet and quirky man; totally my type, if a little too much on the fringe.

Sadly, he lives a million miles away, so we only get to talk on the phone (thank God for free long distance/minutes) and through the blogs. We're both too broke to zip around the earth hanging out with each other these days. But when I run the world, you can bet he'll hold a cabinet post.

5. You seem to enjoy lists. Can you name a few things you'd like to try while you're on Earth and which you think you'll actually get to?

Hmm...OK. I'll bold the ones I think I'll get to:

  1. Write and publish a book
  2. Have my own talk show
  3. Dance the tango
  4. See Europe (the continent and the band)
  5. Complete a checklist
  6. Live in the mountains
  7. Summer somewhere
  8. Have grandchildren
  9. Glass blowing
  10. Make a dramatic egress without forgetting my purse

Thank you so much, Dale, for your questions. I adore you even more now.


  1. Ohmygod, can I love you both any more? Great questions, and I loved learning some more about you Flannery (yes, I know I could actually read your past posts but honestly that would cut into my nap and pudding eating time...)

    And I like how you call your friend B.O.

  2. "big fruit" indeed. If he only knew the WICKED TRUTH!!! MUAH HA HA HA HA!!!

    Uh, where wuz we??

  3. Oh, yes.

    That was very flatterin', me dear, I say thankee-Sai, big-big!!

  4. That just might be my favorite interview segment yet!

    Or as Simon might say, I really wasn't horrible.

  5. Skyler's Dad: It wasn't too cabaret?

    See what I mean everyone? He's very fringe. And you're welcome, BO.

    Tanya: You could try to love us more, but I understand; you're pregnant...have some pudding, dear.

    Chris: Thanks!

  6. O come let us adore him - the B.O. I mean. And of course, the adoration is built right in with you Flannery Alden. Captivating answers.

    Although I have pressed the 'publish your comment' button many times, I would not say that I'm in publishing. You don't need me!

  7. I love hearing you sing "I Will Survive". It's never pitchy or cabaret. You're always keepin' it real, dog and makin' it your own!

  8. Big Orange sounds pretty juicy.

    I propose that we go on American Idol as a duo and sing "Boogie Oogie Oogie." If Simon thinks we're too old to boogie, boy oh boy have I got news for him.

    By the way, I think the band Europe is off living in the mountains somewhere, so you could conceivably kill two birds on your list with one stone.

  9. Good job, the both of youse!

    You had me on your novel until...

    "slapstick ala Three's Company." Hopefully that means it will be Roper-free. I haven't like either Roper this side of sixteen.

    I really enjoyed the Sedaris highlight and I wouldn't have ever read it if not for Dale. The Missus was talking to me while I was readin about Big Orange and when my eyes went back on the page, the letters "BO" threw me off.

    "Jive Talking" is a good choice, virtually the only BeeGees tune that those of us without ultra-falsettos can hope to sing.

  10. Great interview! I appreciate the art of list-making.

  11. Thanks, Dale, you're the inspiration.

    Elizabeth: Thanks, dawg!

    I would love to boogie with you, Beckeye! And thanks for the tip regarding Europe and the mountains. I love killing two birds with one stone.

    WP: I hated the Ropers too. But I love physical comedy as well as miscommunication. So, rest assured: no awful landlords.

    Thanks, Bubs!

  12. You're not using my life as a model for your novel are you?