Ahoy Captain!

The Cap'n will be setting sail this afternoon to come visit us today. Wish me luck.

Is there anything you want me to ask him? I'll report his answers here...

New Kid On The Blog: It's Jeff!

My good pal and co-worker, Jeff, has taken up the gauntlet and answered pointed questions from your's truely. He's a man who's decided to flaunt the advice to simplify. Check out what he has to say and find out why he hates wooden spoons.

BeckEye Spills It

Read all about it here. There's haiku...

Skyler's Dad Wants To Know...

Recently, Skyler's Dad offered to interview me to help me get through this little slump I'm in. I gladly took him up on the offer.

1. Do you still have the picture of tongue disorders, and did you ever put it up on your refrigerator?
   
   Yes, I do still have those pictures that David Sedaris gave me. And, no, I never put them on my fridge. They are safely ensconced within my signed copy of Dress Your Family in Courduroy and Denim, which has a home on the top shelf of my closet. Man, that was three years ago. Time flies, doesn't it?
   
2. Where are all of the towns you have called home?
   
   Well, I'm an Ohio girl through and through. I've never lived in any other state. However I have scooted here and there over the years. In particular, I have lived in Canton, Cleveland, Lakewood, University Heights, Newark, New Albany and Columbus.
   
   Some may scoff at Ohio, but I think it is a very beautiful state and full of variety. It is urban and Appalachian. It's farmland and forest. At least five presidents were born here and one was born in my home town. We've got Amish, too, so there's aways "home cooking" to be had and hand-crafted furniture.
   
3. If you could change one habit about Doc, what would it be?
   
   OK, here we go. He has this habit of saying, "I'll be back in twenty minutes." As you may have read here, he went to great lengths to define what he means when he says certain things, especially when he talks about time. You may not have noticed (but I sure did) that "twenty minutes" remains undefined. If I could change one habit of his, I wish that when he said he'd be back/done in twenty minutes, he meant a span of time resembling 18-23 minutes, rather than a nebulous 25 minutes to 4 hours.
   
4. I loved your open letter to your daughters. If you were to write it again today, would it still read the same?
   
   Thank you. Yes it most definately would read the same. As I re-read it, I was glad to note that I still stand behind that statement just as much as when I wrote it, if not more.
   
5. Can you somehow, someway explain the allure of American Idol to me? I will reciprocate by attempting to explain anything you ask of me...
   
   For me, the allure of American Idol lies in its potential for magical moments. While I do enjoy the trainwreck it can be, I much prefer the times when humanity shines through it. There is so much manufactured drama/emotion/magic in the world today, it's rare to see something authentically transcendent. There have been moments on that show when I know I've been a witness to art in action on so many levels.
   
   For example, in this past season, I thought the talent was about the best ever, but I hadn't really connected personally with any of the artists. This is hardly surprising; I'm not sure I fall into the target audience. Anyway, it was country night and I was watching out of duty to the process rather than any real excitement about the prospects. And Blake Lewis busted out with the song When the Skies Go Blue...
   
   
   
   Maybe it was the combination of the argyle sweater and this dreamy song, but he delivered it and I felt a connection. I got goosebumps. I felt the magic of the music, which, for some reason, becomes more elusive the older I get.
   
   So, in a nutshell: I watch American Idol to mine for new music gold. And I love Ryan Seacrest.
   
   Can you explain the appeal of Desparate Housewives?
   
6. Are you ever going to post a picture of the new do?
   
   Yes. I'll post it here tonight when I get home. I promise. I had lost my camera for a couple of weeks, then my hair needed cut and colored. I've done that and I think I'm ready for my close-up.
   
7. Has your hate for Mel Gibson subsided any?
   
   I don't think I ever hated him. I'm angry with him. As a Christian, I think he represents the worst of us and actually does damage to our image, so to speak, especially in the eyes of people who aren't Christian. He violates rule number one: Do no harm.
   
8. How long have you known Big Orange?
   
   I have known him for 18 years. Jesus, that's a long time.
   
9. How has blogging changed you?
   
   I see the world a bit differently. I start noticing the little things and instead of letting them flee by, I capture them here for my blog. For example, today, at lunch, I saw a poseur punk girl in a dress length black tee (with jeans, natch). Written upon this tee in purple, 250 pt Arial letters was the proverb: Rehab is the New Black. Gag me. It was reminiscent of those "Choose Life" tees that Wham! used to wear. I knew I had to tell you all about it because I know you would mock her with me. And I need partners in mocking.
   
   Blogging has made the minute relevant for me. I can capture the minutia, bring it here, blow it up and use it to entertain you. I am an entertainer at heart. And an attention whore. Plus blogging has helped me hone my writing. By making all this nonsense public, especially to a bunch of other writers, I've really learned how to mind my p's and q's and also how to shape my message so that it is communicated well.
   
   Blogging has also removed the stigma of online relationships in my mind. I feel like the people I know online are perceptive, intelligent, hip and free-thinking people, the kind of people that I want to populate my life with. So what if we may never meet face to face? I still feel like we're friends. And when I read blogs written by people I know in person, I feel like I get to know them much better than if we didn't exchange written ideas.
   
10. How has losing your grandfather changed you?
    
    I'm not sure. I kind of feel like he's still with me, so I haven't really lost him. But his passing has taught me that I can go on, but not without a few break-downs every now and then. I've learned how to grieve.

Thank you so much for the questions!

Skyler's Dad: The Man Behind The Myth

I had the chance to interview Skyler's Dad here. Get to know him, why dontcha!

Enough About Me, Why Don't You Tell Me About What You Think Of Me...

My pal Splotchy offered to interview people and I took him up on it. Here's what he wanted to know:

1. I see that back in June you were readying a large number of socks for puppethood. Have you mounted a large-scale sock puppet production as of yet? If so, please summarize the plot, characters and themes.

Alas, Splotchy, the basket of socks are sitting in my garage, covered in grass clippings and motor oil and the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I have a commitment problem. I can only continue to do things that end up being bad for me (watching TV, swearing, shopping). Most altruistic efforts I undertake are sacrificed at the alter of the PlayStation. We are also recycling cans now and that's not going so well. We fill up plastic bags of cans and those bags are shuffled to the shed, instead of the back of the Jeep, where they can be driven .1 mile to the fire station that accepts them. I don't know what to say, other than when I say I am "prone to whimsy," I mean it.

2. While we're on the subject of appendages and clothing, which is it? Gloves or mittens?

It's gloves. I can't drive well in mittens. I need to have form fitting leather or Isotoner gloves so that my driving is not impared. Though I think mittens are cute, they are meant for others.

3. If you could be resurrected as any animal, what would it be, and why?

I would be an owl. I like to stay up all night and I would love to be able to turn my head completely around.

4. Does this look infected to you?

It kind of does. See how it's red and inflamed? Why don't you help yourself to some of my bactine and have this Veggie Tales band-aid? Take an aspirin and watch some General Hospital. You'll feel better soon. And for God's sake, don't pick at it!

5. What's your favorite font?

Palatino Linotype is in vogue with me these days:

Thanks, Splotchy, for the interview. If anyone would like me to interview you, you can:

Leave me a comment saying "Interview me."and... I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.

then...

You will update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions.and you can optionally

...include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same postand if you do...

When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Get Your Phil...

Of God, politics, food, art. See my interview with God's Neighbor HERE.

Dead Spot On The Record

Our good pal Deadspot agreed to be interviewed by me. Enjoy!

Interview Fever Continues!

This. Is Frank Sirmarco!

Dale Interviews Flannery

I couldn't resist the lovely Dale's offer to interview me...

You're clearly a woman of many talents Flannery Alden. Among your educational pursuits and raising adorable children, I see on your sidebar that you're writing a novel. Pretend I'm secretly in publishing and this is your big pitch meeting. What's the damned thing about?

It's about this guy, you know? He's got it all together and everything begins to unravel, starting in his subconscious. There's death, intrigue, some drama, and perhaps, for flavor, a little bit of comic miscommunication and slapstick ala Three's Company. It's kind of a saucy, psychic mystery-caper with a car chase.

...Wait...are you secretly in publishing?

2. In scouring your blog, I jealously read of your encounter with one of my favourite authors David Sedaris and the lovely anniversary present he gave you. Do you have a wish list for other authors you'd like to meet and could it in any way be as good as your time with David as I call him?

I'm not sure anything could surpass my meeting with David Sedaris unless it was a longer meeting with David Sedaris. But the following authors would probably come pretty close:

• John Irving
• Bill Bryson
• Tyra Banks (she's written a book, right?)
• J.K. Rowling

3. If you were on American Idol tonight with Barry Gibb (is he the dead one?), which of his songs or any other disco song would you perform? Would you wear the white suit or go out on your own?

Just to clarify, I believe Barry Gibb is still living. Brothers Andy and Maurice have walked on. I don't know if I could choose one song of his...I loathe most of them. But I would probably go with "Jive Talking." If it could be any disco song, it would of course be "I Will Survive." I've had lots of practice singing this song; it's on my SingStar game.

4. You and Big Orange seem to have each other's backs. Who is this big fruit and why do you like him?

Where do I begin with Big Orange? How about at the beginning...When I was a freshman in college I stayed in a dorm, like many other college students have done. During the first week of classes, our RA held a "meet and greet" for all the people on the 11th floor. I was bored. There were many lame-o's and poseurs. The introductions made their way around the room until it was BO's turn. When he began to speak, I was totally engulfed in picking the fuzz off of the arm of the cheap-o dorm furniture. As I listened to his lovely voice I was compelled to pause in my efforts of snatching the old plaid couch bald. I lifted my eyes to behold a long-haired, bedimpled young rogue who caught my heart when he mentioned casually that he played the bagpipes. Suddenly, the skies opened up and a beam of heavenly sunlight struck him as angels sang. Yes it was love.

We dated for a little over a year and then we broke up amicably. That was over 20 years ago and we're still friends. We parted ways because I was much too much of a prude to carry on with such an anarchic free spirit as himself. But he is very intellectually stimulating and hilarious. It's also extreme fun to induce a fit of giggles in him, what he calls a "pineapple upside down moment."

What do I like about him? He's smart. Very smart. Sometimes I can't keep up with him. He's probably the only person I know who can stump me in a conversation. He also finds me funny, a very important qualificiation for my friends to have. BO is a very sweet and quirky man; totally my type, if a little too much on the fringe.

Sadly, he lives a million miles away, so we only get to talk on the phone (thank God for free long distance/minutes) and through the blogs. We're both too broke to zip around the earth hanging out with each other these days. But when I run the world, you can bet he'll hold a cabinet post.

5. You seem to enjoy lists. Can you name a few things you'd like to try while you're on Earth and which you think you'll actually get to?

Hmm...OK. I'll bold the ones I think I'll get to:

1. Write and publish a book
2. Have my own talk show
3. Dance the tango
4. See Europe (the continent and the band)
5. Complete a checklist
6. Live in the mountains
7. Summer somewhere
8. Have grandchildren
9. Glass blowing
10. Make a dramatic egress without forgetting my purse

Thank you so much, Dale, for your questions. I adore you even more now.

Exclusive Interview With Elizabeth

Recently, I took the time to interview my good pal, Elizabeth. As you can see by the picture of us to the left, we know each other in the "real world." She was my first college roommate and remains one of my very best friends. I knew we would be BFF's when she and my other BFF, Joanne, saved me from a very bad date on my first weekend ever in college.

You can tell how much I love her because I posted a picture where she looks fabulous and I look pasty and awful. Sadly, I have no access to photoshop and my regular photoenhancer minions are out playing grab-ass. Please enjoy her interview and let me know if you would like me to interview you.

xoxox