Why I'm Uniquely Suited To A "Bipolar Marriage"

I am beginning to learn what Doc and I are facing. And it's been revealed a little bit at a time, lest it totally overwhelm us. Either that or we can only see a little bit at a time because it is HUGE.

Irregardless...

My earliest thoughts were rueful but truthful: God only gives us what we can handle. And I was like, "Gee, thanks, God!" And sent Him out the door with a here's Your hat, what's Your hurry."

I'm still not ready to invite Him over for Thanksgiving or anything. But there have been several moments where I'm getting VERY CLEAR messages from the universe from a diverse group of sources, like:

• Samantha the Witch and My Therapist: the former knowing nothing about me and the latter knowing a great deal about me, who have both said: You've got to stop carrying the world around on your shoulders/You're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders
• Pandora: It seems I'm hearing the right music at the right time, including the video above, which caused me a bit of a breakthrough this morning

I'm also taking this time as Doc recovers and we move to a new house to re-evaluate myself and who I think I am. I've realized that over the years, I've let go of things I thought were essential to who I was...the very top item on this list is music and being a musician. I can recall recently walking up the stairs of the new house and saying to myself, "I am a musician," and how wonderful and right that felt to say. I plan on doing more of this...figuring out who I am, what I value and sticking to it. This will be a source of strength.

Another thing about me: It is impossible for me to hold a grudge or be very mad for very long. I can store up hurts and slights, but eventually, if given opportunity to let them flood out of me onto a caring person's shoulder, I'm over it.

And how do I set the world down and stop dragging it around? I ask for help, that's how. And I've done that. My parents have been great, and I have now asked the kids for help. Recently, we've had trouble with bed time. And I happened upon an article about why it's hard for grade schoolers to settle down for bed. The article suggested coming up with a bedtime contract together with the kids, which we did and they took to like ducks to water. And would you believe it? They love it and want to stick to it religiously! And I told you this story to tell you another...

One of the things in our routine is to spend some time talking about our day. This was suggested in the article because grade schoolers have a lot going on in their days and talking about it could relieve some stress, allowing them to quit worrying and settle down for a good night's sleep. Night #1: Riley finally opened up to me and told me everything that was worrying her. She said she felt so much better afterwards and we didn't get a fight at bed time. Night #2: I asked for their help keeping the house clean. And I felt much better. So two big items (Riley's anxiety and my feeling of overwhelming responsibility) were lightened.

Keeping an open heart and mind (which I have vowed to do and am doing) + Listening to the Universe and letting in the messages through music + a deft ability to build a bridge and get over it = A person who can handle rough patches that crop up suddenly and without reason.

Maybe I'm naive, but if so, that's a good thing. I'd rather not be jaded right now. And my unfailing optimism and our strong family bonds and friendships will pull us through. Not to mention all the hard work that Doc is doing, dispite his grave injury. He's practically single-handedly moved us into the new place.

I don't know if this makes sense...I feel like I'm rambling. But something is brewing in my head and heart and it's a good thing.

Adventure Set List

So here's a list of the good stuff that's coming around the corner for us:

• November 25th: I'll be hosting Thanksgiving for my side of the family, something I haven't been able to do because my last house did not have a dining room or really enough room to have more than a couple of people over.
• November 27th: It's off to my sister-in-law's place for Thanksgiving, Part 2
• December 30th: We're off to Miami by way of Savanna, GA. Once in Miami on the 31st, we'll be waiting for my cousin Wendi and our dear friend Carol to finish their 10,000 plus mile walk around the perimiter of the US.
• January 1st - 3rd: Disney World!
• January 5th: Pal around with Dr. Monkey and Sparky in their neck of the woods
• February 2011: Carol will be staying with us 2-3 days a week so that she can write her book and I can help her. Actually, I'll be helping her and so will Riley. I'll be editing and Riley will be proofing.
• April: The girls' birthday parties (JoAnn Fabrics party for Riley, Chuck E. Cheese for Lucy...oy).
• May: My birthday
• And summer returns...

Not a bad agenda, if I do say so myself. Plus I'll be starting my official mental health regimen tomorrow with good old Dr. P.

We've got a lot of demons to fight off. And I was telling Doc last night, there is so much against us right now and probalby for the duration, so we need to be vigilant and optimistic.

Also, I've learned that that 90% divorce rate applies to those bipolar marriages where no treatment is happening. When treatment is in place, the divorce rate is the same as it for couples who do not have a bi-polar marriage.

So, we've got a 50/50 chance just like you do. I'll take those odds.