Celebrities Who Have Appeared In My Dreams: Genn6

I'm in New York City for work. I'm wandering around in the pre-dawn hours with my co-workers trying to find a prostitute...we needed to ask her some questions. We went into a bar, but it was fairly empty. We stepped outside and I realized I was close to Genn6's apartment. So, I told my co-worker that we should stop by and see if Genn6 wanted to get something to eat with us.

We walked up a couple of floors and entered her apartment. It was three dark gray rooms and the main room had a black futon. My co-workers gathered around and decided to play Sorry! with Doc and Lucy. Genn6 and I agreed to go out and get food to bring back to the apartment. One co-worker was delighted to see the board and that it was the abbreviated version of Sorry!. He said, "There are a ton of different ways to play this game!"

We left them to it and hit the road. When we got to the street, it was gray but starting to lighten up. Then it started to rain. It was glorious and refreshing. We both looked up, raised our hands and started to dance. We eventually sought cover in a store that sold candles. They had a large collection of Beatrix Potter stuff, but none of the candles smelled like anything but candles.

They had a vintage clothing section in the store and Genn6 found a retro teal and gold tweed suit. It had a long jacket and a skirt. The shop ladies kept saying, "It'll never fit you..." But when she tried the jacket on it fit perfectly. The skirt had some problems; someone had tried to turn it into shorts. I thought I could probably fix the skirt for her and recommended that she buy it.

And then I woke up.

Celebrities Who Appeared in my Dreams: Dale

I was getting ready for some folks to come over for my birthday when Doc popped his head in the bathroom and told me that Dale from Passion of the Dale was here.

"Really?!?" I asked, stunned.

"Yeah," Doc said, "He came all the way from Canada for your bithday."

"Huh," I said and started to put on makeup.

Once I was ready, I tried to decide how to best make my entrance. I went through a couple of ideas in my head before stepping into the garage and declaring, "Wilkommen, bien venue, welcome!"

Dale was sitting on the couch in our garage talking to my Uncle Charlie. He looked up and tipped his beer at me and went back to his conversation. I began to look around the garage and wonder what Dale's impression was. I knew he was judging and that he had an opinion. I was very curious. But this curousity hampered me. I couldn't think of anything to say to him or anyone else in the room. And I felt bad that he had driven all this way to be so underwhelmed. Until, of course the zombies arrived.

Celebrites Who Have Appeared In My Dreams: Greg Kinnear and Beckeye

It was night and all the neighborhood kids were running around like the Lost Boys. Everything was a mess and I went into the house. Greg Kinnear, our handy man, was dressed in painters clothes and came into the kitchen wiping his hands. His sleeve seemed a bit lumpy.

"Hand it over," I said. Greg had been stealing from us regularly, but he wasn't very good at it. He pulled out a bottle filled with glowing beads (much like those in Bejewelled).

"Hey," said Lucy, "That's the engine from your space ship, Mommy!"

I took it and set it on the counter, about to fire Greg.

"I wanted to tell you," he said, "There's a motorcycle gang out front and their causing trouble."

"Ok," I said, "I'll handle this and you and I will talk later."

I grabbed some bottles of water and headed out to the porch. I wondered why so many people were wandering around my house when I saw Beckeye standing in my neighbor's front yard. She was wearing a purple, taffeta, June Cleaver number. Her hair was pulled back in a fetching pony tail and she was running a mimeograph machine. Pink flyers for a party were flying off the machine and heading toward the street where people were grabbing them and heading for our house. She waved at me as she continued to crank.

I handed the bottles over to the gang, who looked like they just stepped out of Thunderdome. They were a rowdy bunch. They were having difficulties opening the bottles and I spent an inordinate amount of time telling them the bottlecaps were left-hand thread and they'd have to turn them the other direction.

A ghost floated over me and I could feel the hair on my head stand straight up on end.

Then I woke up.

Celebrities Who Have Appeared in My Dreams: Kate Jackson

Oh my God! I had the worst nightmare last night!

I dreamt I was waking up in the pre-dawn hours. I heard rustling in the kitchen and around the corner in the hallway, I could see my neighbor making his way to our room and hopping in to bed with me and Doc. He snuggled up to me and I was feeling a bit put upon. Doc continued sleeping. My neighbor couldn’t quit fidgeting so I threw him out. I walked him down the hallway and into the kitchen.

I was stunned to see that my kitchen had been destroyed. The cupboards had been ripped off the walls, the stove was missing, the phone was missing. I started to panic. I wondered if we had left the doors unlocked. My neighbor let himself out the back door with a cheery, “Peace Out!” I looked around again and found my stove across the room from where it should have been. The phone was also in a different location: across the room and up so high on the wall, I couldn’t reach it.

I was scared. Whoever did this was both destructive and mischievous. Nothing was stolen but the room had been vandalized. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my cell phone to call 911. I wondered as I flipped my phone open whether or not this was a 911 emergency. But I decided I didn’t care; I was freaked. I started to dial the numbers and the display showed 622 instead of 911, which I had pressed. I kept trying to dial and the screen would either show the wrong numbers or it would melt into Yellow Submarine colors and little icons on the screen would start laughing at me.

Eventually I connected with someone and told them our address. I went outside to wait for the police to show up. As I wondered how the houses across the street were removed and replaced with forest, I saw a 1970’s era gold Plymouth Duster approach and pull in the driveway. Kate Jackson got out of the driver’s side door wearing a smart white pantsuit and a white leather shoulder bag. She identified herself as a detective and I started telling her what happened.
“I wonder,” she said, “if this has anything to do with the baby I saw wandering around your front yard the other day…”

“The what?!?” I said, alarmed. There was a baby in my yard?!? Wandering?!?

“The baby. I’ll make a note of it. By the way, do you want to see my new pet?” she asked.

“Um, well…” I stammered, wondering why she didn’t want to come in the house and take a look at the damage and maybe find some clues.

“Oh, I found him the other day,” she said and whistled, “Here boy!”

Out of the car jumped her pet: a jack-o-lantern. It bounced its way frenetically over to us and eventually bounded up over my head, opened its jaws and attached itself to my head. I knocked it off of my head and ran back to the house, deciding the police weren’t going to be much help and I’d better just get me and my family the hell out of there and then figure out what to do.

I went back into the kitchen and Doc was there I started to tell him what happened and he seemed unmoved. I thought maybe I was over-reacting until I saw a door in the kitchen wall that I didn’t know we had. I pushed it open and looked down to see a large atrium with another house inside of it that kind of looked like the Brady house. I slammed the door shut and decided I wasn’t over-reacting; Doc was under-reacting. I went back into the bedrooms to get the kids.

They were in my room sitting on a roofline outside of the bedroom window. They were in their jammies and they were drawing clouds…literally. They would move their little arms around and cloud images of rabbits and rainbows were forming in the sky. Then the clouds became real. This was freaky to me but still kind of innocent until one of them drew a tiger, which came to life and slinked through the window into our bedroom. I grabbed it by the collar and led it to Doc.
“Handle this, won’t you?” I said as I went back to get the kids.

I got everyone outside and I went back in to the kitchen to get my purse. Things were flying around the kitchen and it was very cold. I suddenly realized that the weird things that were happening in my house were because of ghosts! So I shouted, “Get out of my house! Get out of my house!” But of course, it came out like “Gerrrroouottmmmmhosssssss!” because my mouth and throat were semi-paralyzed. I began to panic, but I thought, no…this is my house, dammit and I’m going to get it back. So I continued screaming “Gerrrroouottmmmmhosssssss!” over and over until everything stilled and cartoon ghosts in cartoon sheets zoomed up above me and formed a row. Some of them were wearing pink glasses or blue scarves or pink vests and some were carrying handbags. As they looked down at me I finished my last chorus of “Gerrrroouottmmmmhosssssss…” paused and said, “Please?”

They swooped out through the roof of my kitchen and all was calm.

I woke up for real this time. It was 3:00 in the morning. I had the heebie-jeebies up my spine and I couldn’t move from fear. I lay there for a while, trying to get my bearings. I thought about blogging about this just to clear my head, but that would mean walking through the kitchen to get to the computer, which: NO WAY.

It was very still and I couldn’t quite shake the feeling that maybe I was still dreaming. I had an impulse to wake Doc and tell him all about it, but decided to turn on the TV. Maybe Nick-at-Night could ease my mind. Designing Women was on and I thought, that sounds innocuous enough. I settled in but was quickly alarmed when I realized the episode was about Charlene buying a haunted house. Where was Bob Newhart when you needed him?

Celebrities Who Have Appeared In My Dreams: Rocco DiSpirito

I was at a wedding reception and it was very crowded. Lots of people and kids milling around. I remember being mildly frustrated and sitting down at a long table with my friends. I was looking around the room when Rocco came up to the table and plopped down in the chair across from me.

I was momentarily surprised to see him. He was wearing a brown suit and a black tie. He looked a little bit frazzled; his hair was a mess and he seemed to be a bit sweaty. I was just thinking about how cute he is when he pulled a small box out of his inside coat pocket. He handed the box to me and asked, "Will you marry me?"

I was about to say, "Well, gee, Rocco, you know I'm already married," but before the words could form in my mouth, I had opened the light blue Tiffany's box to see a small, brown enameld grandfather clock with diamonds around the face.

I looked at him and said, "You know, this is the most hideous thing I've ever received. What were you thinking?" I was outraged that he thought I'd like this and marry him because of it. Not to even mention the fact that I was already married.

He may be cute, but he sure is clueless...

Celebrities Who Have Appeared In My Dreams: Rick Ocasek

I walked out into my back yard. It was night time, but there were lights on and people were walking back and forth from Tiki. I saw Rick Ocasek standing in my back yard, looking kind of lost. I walked up to him and said, "Hello, Rick...I mean, Mr. Ocasek; welcome to my home."

He said thanks, shook my hand and made his way to the back door.

I was left with the feeling that all was well and he was happy to be here. And so was I.

What could it mean?

Celebrities Who Have Appeared In My Dreams: John Mayer

It was night time and I was standing in the driveway, watching John Mayer move into the house across the street. We were preparing to have a party and invite him over, which I was doing under protest. I think the city had insisted we host it. Elizabeth came over to help and I was complaining bitterly that I had to live in such close proximity to him.

The party started and I watched as he ignored the locals and hung out with his roadies. He drank a lot and then disappeared. We started cleaning up and then were told we had to go to his concert. We had aisle seats about two thirds of the way back from the stage. It was a nice, summer evening, apart, of course, from the music.

At one point during the show, JM staggered down from the stage and was being supported by his roadies. He passed our seats and I followed them out of the amphitheater and into to the grape arbor. I sat down next to him on a trellised bench. He looked terrible. His eyes were sunken and had dark circles. He had snot running down his nose. He was wearing that horrible, green mankini and a Mexican blanket thrown over his shoulders.

“You’re a mess,” I told him.

He nodded.

“I’ve been watching you since you moved in,” I explained putting my hand on his shoulder, “You have got to get a handle on things.”

He leaned in on my shoulder and let me put my arm around him.

“I guess since we’re neighbors, I’ll have look after you.” I told him. It felt like the right thing to do, but I also felt a shiver of dread about facing what I was sure would be a huge pain in the ass.

Celebrities Who Have Appeared In My Dreams: Tanya Espanya

I exited the taxi cab in a ramshackle but perfect piazza in Rome with a small suitcase. It was overcast but warm and I breathed deeply. Rome! I had finally made it! I was overcome with joy to have my feet alight on ancient cobblestones and my eyes to rest on elderly Italian women fussing about their daily chores.

"I can't believe I'm here!" I said out loud to myself. The taxi door slammed shut behind me and the cabbie hurried back to the drivers seat and executed a five part turn to exit the culdesac. A flicker of worry crossed my brow as I realized that I didn't speak the native tongue. At least not the one that has been spoken here recently. I could hold my own in medieval and ancient Latin, but that wouldn't get me very far today.

Up above me on a balcony, I heard the giggling of half a dozen or so younger ladies who were making their way down to meet me, all of them with long, dark wavy hair and ready smiles. Tanya and her many sisters descended to greet me. They were friendly and welcoming; making a good deal of fuss about my arrival

I was overcome with a certain muteness, a relic of my shy childhood self, that often over takes me in situations where emotions are obvious and overwhelming. I needn't have worried; Tanya and the ladies took care of all conversation. After they welcomed me they resumed a discussion in medias res, laughing and correcting each other over the events of the day..

We made our way to a Mom and Pop (Mama and Papa) restaurant where I was handed a menu I couldn't read. A stern Italian patroness stepped up to take my order. I couldn't figure out what to order or even how to pronounce "spaghetti". Tanya laughed, the old lady grunted and took my menu.

I realized I was dreaming and felt looming disappointment that I wasn't really in Rome nor in the company of such lively friends. And then I woke up, determined to let the joy carry me through the day and abandon the disappointment in the overflowing garbage cans outside of Mama's restaurant.

Celebrities Who Have Appeared In My Dreams: God

Last night I was having a dream that I was in the kitchen talking to Doc. I was telling him about something that ended with me flipping the double bird to God and yelling "Eff You!"

I woke up feeling a bit uncomfortable, both about what I had done in my dream and because I had to go to the bathroom. Half awake, I rolled to my side and made to swing my legs over and stand up at the same time. Because I had socks on, I didn't realize that my feet were entangled in a fuzzy blanket that is not usually on the bed. And as I made my forward/upward progress off the bed without my legs underneath me, I was dropped on my knees with an almighty force.

I knealt on the floor breathless. I was overcome with rue. Earlier that evening, I had been talking to Elizabeth about a friend of ours who had never "been knocked to his knees" by life. As my knees throbbed and my wrists burned, I felt smote. I thought, who the hell was I to judge whether or not someone had had any hard knocks.

"You OK?" Doc asked, after having been gasped awake by the holy thud I made.

"Yes," I said as I recaptured my breath and made my way to the bathroom, thankful that no one was awake to see what must have been a spectacular fall.

When I returned to bed, Doc began to tell me about a dream he had. Then I told him about mine. He laughed.

"I probably shouldn't have flipped God off," I admitted.

"Probably not," he said.

I related this dream to Hot Lemon on the phone this morning. He said, "You know that kind of thing never happens to Pastafarians..."

Celebrities Who Have Appeared In My Dreams: Grant Miller and Tom Petty

I was trying to get home from some midwestern city and the guy who was my ride said he needed to stop and meet up with some reporter.

"His name is Miller...someone Miller...Grant?" he said

"Grant Miller?" I asked.

"Yeah, that's him," he replied as he verified this on his notepad.

"I know him," I said.

"You do?"

"Yeah...sort of."

We were making our way into a pub in the middle of suburbia and I started to worry. I had hours of road on me and I wasn't at my best. I knew I would be judged by that eyebrow.

The bar was panelled in timber and rafters and there were two rooms. The front room had a bar on one end and a stage at the other with tables in between and a buffet. We moved toward the back room which was separated off with a 1/4 height wall, and we found a table. I was partly annoyed because I wanted to keep driving and get home and I was partly worried that Grant Miller would discover I was a phoney.

We waited and the barman came around and told us that the Wing Buffet was ready and we could help ourselves. He turned and left and around the corner came Grant Miller, clad in a long leather jacket and baggy jeans. He was traveling with another anonymous guy and they joined us at our table. I considered not mentioning who I was and just keeping my mouth shut and remaining anonymous to him. But, if you know me at all, you know I eschew anonimity.

As the introductions were being made, I commented, "We've already met, so to speak."

There went the eyebrow. After a moment or two and a few hints from me the other eyebrow joined the first one and his face broke into a smile. We hugged and exchanged pleasantries. He turned out to be a very nice guy. At this point I realized I must be dreaming. I offered to fix a plate for everyone while they conducted their meeting.

I made my way over to the "Wing Buffet" and took a look. There was a large bin filled with chicken wings and many other smaller bins filled with different sauces to dip them in, plus a variety of veggies. I was a little apprehensive as the incomplete chicken wings looked a bit unsavory. But I took a few of them and some veggies and made my way back to the table. Grant Miller and his companion were gone. I looked out of the window and saw him pimp walk down the sidewalk.

I set the plate down and my companion announced he was going to "mail a package". Harrumph, I thought. After a while the bar began to fill up and I realized I'd been abandoned. I made my way over to the front room and toward the bar and sat down, trying to figure out how I was going to get home. I looked toward the stage and my view was obscured by a man wearing a Mad Hatter's top hat. When I leaned forward, I saw roadies setting up for a concert and I caught sight of the top-hatted man and realized it was Tom Petty.

"Hey," I said to one of his companions; he was flanked on either side by band members (I knew this because they were wearing long velvet jackets), "Are you guys playing here today?"

"Yes, but we have to make sure Tom Stays sober."

"Ah," I replied.

I tried to call Elizabeth and tell her she should meet me here.

"Where are you?" she asked.

"I don't know," I said and went outside. It didn't really clear things up any. I started walking through this anonymous suburb. I made my way through a family reunion in someone's back yard. I passed garage sales and church picnics and found my way back to a house that looked like mine. And then I woke up.

Celebrities Who Have Appeared In My Dreams: Episode 105

Elliott Yamin, American Idol Finalist

I had just arrived in Atlantic City for a sales conference. I was travelling on a charter bus with a large group of people, including my neighbors Wally and Ms. Snap and their children. We got off the bus downtown and I was so psyched to be there, I handed my bags over to Wally and asked them to check me in while I checked out the city.

As I was walking down the street, I ran into Elliott Yamin and we just hit it off. He really wanted to show me the sights, so we made our way to the first casino we saw. I followed Elliott as he walked toward the door (he was wearing his hoodie, I noticed), I started to sing to myself, "Well, they blew up the chicken man in Philly last night..."

Elliott led me into a small cabaret dance hall. It was pretty shabby. The room was about 50 feet long and about 20 feet deep. There were four rows of about 20 seats. The stage was bare but brightly lit. Once we sat down, the show started. The first show, Lady Spider, started with about twenty dancers all in one caterpillar costume. Each dancer provided a pair of legs to the worm and they writhed around the stage. Eventually, there were cheapo pyrotechnics and the caterpiller disappeared and the Lady spider appeared and began to sing a punk/torch song.

As the next act was coming on, Elliott and I decided to leave. As we exited the casino, I remembered I had a $27 poker chip my Dad had given me. It was left over from his trip to Las Vegas and it was from the Banyan casino. The chip was green with a white paint in the middle. There was a abstract banyan tree, similar to the logo from the Palms Casino, and the number 27 underneath it.

Before we got to the Banyan, Elliott wanted to stop by his place first. He lived in a narrow basement apartment with two crack whores. He settled in to have some crack himself. He offered me some and told him no way. He started extolling the virtues of crack and I got disgusted and left.

Celebrities Who Have Appeared In My Dreams, Episode 104: Josh Radner & Clay Aiken

I was attending a Clay Aiken concert with Josh Radner. I was still kind of bummed out that my fate was intertwined with Josh rather than Neil Patrick. But we had front row seats and Josh was wearing a suit.




Also, Clay looked fairly normal compared to the monstrosity that appeared on the last American Idol finale. (See below for screen shot).

By the way, I think I'd better explain that I have no idea why the cast of "How I Met Your Mother" has made such an obvious impression on my psyche. I watched the first few episodes and decided that, yes, the premise was fresh and new, however it was a business-as-usual situation comedy. So I quit watching. I had seen quite enough of Friends, thank you very much, and I don't need to waste my time, watching its clones.

Why, oh, why does the public put up with these sad reconstitutions and shun other, more deserving shows (coughArrestedDevelopmentcough)? It's a waste of my time and Neil Patrick Harris' talent.

Celebrities Who Have Appeared In My Dreams: Episode 103

I was sitting on a marble bench/planter in an atrium. Neil Patrick Harris and some other people were standing there talking to me. We had just left a pub, where Neil Patrick and I discovered we had so much in common; sparks flew. And then I heard my name being called. I realized that my name was the same as the name of the mother in the show "How I Met Your Mother." It dawned on us both that my future was doomed and I was to end up with that dork, Josh.

We shook hands and held on just a little bit longer than courtesy requires. Stricken by my fate, I looked into Neil Patrick's eyes, which were rueful, wistful, and just a tiny bit sad.

Celebrities Who Have Appeared In My Dreams, Episode 102

I was driving in my car at the end of a caper dream and I pulled up to the corner of Raff Road and West Tuscarawas. I was talking to Madame E, who was riding in the passenger seat, and I pulled too far forward into the crosswalk. I was given dirty looks by Ted Henry and Robin Swoboda, local news casters who were trying to cross the street. They both gave me dirty looks as they made their way to the bus stop, obviously hot on the beat. I shrugged at them sheepishly and drove off as they scowled at me.

Celebrities Who Have Appeared In My Dreams, Episode 101

I am not now nor have I ever been a fan of Frank Zappa. I did, however, admire his testimony in front of Congress with regard to free speech. When I was in college I was going through a period of self-doubt/identity crisis (imagine that). I had a dream where I was sitting in a pub with dark wood walls and brass trim. Frank Zappa appeared in the bar and sat down to have a chat with me. He told me in the dream that I needed to find a way to live my life without compromising my values. He was wearing his hair in a pony tail and he had on a green shirt and tan dockers. He also gave me a paper clip.