Thursday, March 29, 2007

I'm My Mom's Joke Writer

Mom: Your Dad and I went to see Wild Hogs last night.

Me: Oh yeah? How was that?


Mom: Well, it was like a chick flick...only for guys. You know, they bond, they learn a life lesson, they have some laughs.


Me: Huh.


Mom: What would you call that? A chick flick for guys?


Me:...thinking: Should I go here? I Will...How about a Dick Flick?


Mom: THAT'S IT! I'm totally using that line when we see Bob and Pat...


*****


I love my Mom. She didn't even flinch.

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Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Beggers Can't Be Choosers

The pact has driven me to watch some movies I wouldn't ordinarily deign to see. Last week, at the Tiki, I found myself faced with a movie I wouldn't watch on a bet in pre-pact days. But, since deprivation has driven me to desperation for new movies, I went with it. Wanna know what it was?
Jackass Number 2.

At first, I felt trepidation. I am very squeemish and I can't stand to watch blood, guts, or pain. Or so I thought. I began the movie horrified. Then I was amazed at the stupidity of these guys and their crazy stunts. Then I started to root for them to get mauled. All the while, I was hooting and howling with laughter and sympathy, along with all the others at the Tiki.

I must say there were some scenes I had to leave the room for and I was not the only one, thank you very much. Some dudes left the room too. I kept thinking I should stop watching the movie but I couldn't completely walk away from it. There is some genuinely brilliant slapstick in this film. And it was worth it to hang in there for the musical number at the end, which included a tribute to my man, Buster Keaton. At the time I shouted at the screen, "Don't do an homage to Buster Keaton! That makes you legitimate! Stop it!" But the farther away in time I get from this movie, the more I came to appreciate it for its artistry.

What is wrong with me?

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Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Invincible? I Recommend It...



It was a pretty standard sports movie in the vein of Rudy. It's all about the regular guy, Joe Public. I love underdog movies because I'm a good American and I love freedom. However what makes this movie surge ahead in the polls here at Prone 2 Whimsy are the shots of Mark Wahlberg in a wet t-shirt.
Rowr.

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Friday, December 08, 2006

Mel Gibson: Visionary Director or Pornographic Violence Monger?

I was listening to Morning Edition on my way to work today and caught Kenneth Turan's review of Gibson's new movie "Apocolypto." To summarize, he concluded that the message Gibson wants to send to all of us is that, if we aren't careful, our civilization could go right down the tubes, just like the Mayans' did, due to moral turpitude. However, Turan believes that rather than being part of the solution, Gibson is part of the problem, by producing movies with such expansive, overpowering and lush images of violence. He believes that Gibson is abetting the rot of our civilization from within, which he is ostensibly warning us about in this movie.

Turan's review got me to thinking about why I'm currently pissed off at Gibson. It started with the Passion of the Christ. I was very angry at him for making that movie, but I could never pinpoint why, other than this: I understand that Christ suffered on the cross; I don't need to see it in full technicolor with digital accuracy in order to get the point. But even after expressing this thought, I still felt huffy about that movie. Now I know why.

If you look at the scope of this man's career, nearly all of his movies are ripe with violence, excepting only "What Women Want." There may be more films that aren't violent, but I can't be bothered to seek them out right now, I'm too mad. When he made his first big move to director with Braveheart, he was hailed as a new visionary who approached historical battles with heart-stopping accuracy. Braveheart was a decent movie, and I tolerated the violence in it because I love freedom. However, when the Patriot came out, it was just as violent, yet not so good on the history. Not so good on the plot, either, because, I could never sit through it in its entirity. Then came The Passion of the Christ. And he lost me.

It is my theory that this man has a hard-on for violence and he's just looking for a historical background to set it in to give it legitimacy. The drawn-out eviscerations, the tortures, the stabbing, the primative open-heart surgery. Do we really need to see all this to appreciate the culture and heritage of the time? And while we are on historical accuracy, who died and made Mel Gibson Herotodus? How the hell does he know what life was really like back then? He doesn't. Nobody without a time machine does. He's sold us all on how he "researches" the cultures and works toward the most accurate depiction of life in the olden days. However, his "historically accurate" epic motion pictures are simply million dollar playgrounds available for him to indulge in his violence fetish. He's not adding anything of substance to the conversation of the rise and fall of civilizations; he is only adding garbage to the landfill of smut and evil that threatens to spill over us all.

So do me a favor, please: Save civilization; don't go see this movie.

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Friday, December 01, 2006

Survivor Cook Islands: The Best Season Ever


For the first time since I've been watching Survivor (since Season 3 Survivor Africa), I have been entirely satisfied with the way events are unfolding. If you haven't been watching, I sincerly pity you the absence of this fine experience in your life. If you'd like to catch up (there's still time with seven Survivors left), you can read the recaps of this delicious season at one of the best resources out there: Television Without Pity. If you have been watching: call me; we have a lot to discuss.

However, if you don't have the time to plow through the recaps (you should make the time, really; there is no excuse), I will hit the highlights of the season:
  • Tribes were divided by race, causing much discomfort for all involved (discomfort for the Survivors=fun for the viewer)
  • The racial divide was abandoned in the third episode, yet there were some bonds remaining based on race, in particular: "team whitey"
  • Exile Island has been used very effectively this time around
  • The person who found the Hidden Immunity Idol (Yul, pictured above) is actually using it to change the game.
  • The smart and hard-working people have the lazy, annoying people on the run, even after they smart ones were at a formidible disadvanatage numbers-wise at the merge
  • Jeff Probst is totally on his game, dispite his famously bad taste in hats
  • Tribal Councils have been full of vitriol and name-calling
  • The canoodlers have been split up and shall not control the game ala Boston Rob and Amber
  • Each episode has made me look forward to the next one

But the best part of this season is Yul. He is supersmart, kind of dorky and knows how the hell to influence people. He is a master at lining people up and pointing them in a direction that they all believe they will benefit from. He knows that, in order to be successful in this game, you need to align with people whose behavior is predictable and upon whom he can rely not to get a wild hair up the ass and do something crazy. He also checks and rechecks his strategy and makes adjustments on the run. His spectacular gameplay has been a joy to watch.

God, I love this show!

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Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Mother, Do You Think They'll Try To Break My Balls?

For years, I've never understood what the appeal of Pink Floyd was. When I was 11 years old, I did buy a 45 of "Another Brick in the Wall" because of it's anti-school sentiment and because they played it at the roller rink. Secretly, however, it's message scared me. I liked school. I needed an education. Also, as a child, I had an irrational fear of being an orphan. I had seen a community theater production of Oliver Twist and it flipped a switch that caused me to dream about being lost or abandoned to nefarious orphanage owners or the military. This song's children's chorus reminded me of Oliver and his friends. However, I am a grown up now. My abandonment issues are, for the most part, resolved. I shouldn't really let that get in the way of enjoying what could be one of the best bands ever.

As an adult, though, I've been turned off by Pink Floyd, partly because of the lingering feelings of unease when I listen to their music. Also, most of their music that I have been subjected to via the radio or cover bands is so sleepy and lugubrious, my brain sort of shuts down at the first few notes.

However, I have many good friends who adore Pink Floyd. These are people I've shared good times and bad with. They were all at my wedding. They are trusted confidants and keepers of cool. We have many things in common, but Floyd is not one of them. Well, they have Floyd in common, but I've kept myself staunchly off that love boat.

Genn6 & Elizabeth


Doc


And Big Orange


In the past, it has amused me to rile them up by denying the greatness of Floyd. Each one will give you many reasons why this band is worthy of worship. In fact, Elizabeth just told me that she considers Pink Floyd to be the most innovative rock band ever, even over the Beatles. But now it's time for me to grow up and face the music. Besides this morning I dreamed that I was bitten by rabid rat and it gave the day a decidedly Floydian twist. So, on my way in to work this morning, I listened to The Wall in its entirety for the first time. Here are my impressions:

Pros

  • The guitars are amazing. Sometimes they drift too close to Dire Straits territory, but over all, I found the guitars to be really wonderful.
  • One of the singers is great. He's the one who sings Comfortably Numb. Don't know his name but I like the way he delivers the lyrics. He's sensitive without being squooshy. His tone is lovely and he sings in tune.

Cons

  • Let's talk about the other singer. I'll call him either Drunken Zappa or Sober Tommy Chong. His voice is adnoidal and shouty. There is one song where he is so off key, that it must have been intentional. I understand that some edgy musicians like to write music that is atonal and therefore edgy, but they piss me off. So, I was immediately filled with hate for this joker. Cachophany and atonality need to be used with a gentle touch, in my opinion and this guy uses a hammer.
  • The length of this album is excessive. I found the overall scope of the material to be overblown and self-indulgently grandiose. Perhaps in the 80's when totalitarianism was a fear that was being shoved down our throats left and right due to the pending and ominious date of 1984, this album could have been sold to me as art or social commentary. But it edges too close to Mr. Roboto territory for my tastes. In my opinion, Revolver is a better album. The Wall has not stood the test of time.

I'm sorry my dear friends. I am no closer to appreciating Pink Floyd than I was before my rat bite. Perhaps I would have better luck with Dark Side of the Moon. However I do recognize that Floyd is an innovative band. They really pushed the envelope with what they were saying and how they were saying it, in that time. I will give them props for that.

I think what we have here, though, is a fundamental difference in music philosophy. I like my rock and roll to sound like rock and roll. I was raised on the Beatles, Led Zepellin, the Eagles, Roxy Music, Elvis Presley, and the many fine artists under the auspices of Barry Gordy in Motown: The Ronnettes, The Temptations, The Supremes and so on. I want to experience the human condition on a much more intimate level than Floyd offers. I don't want my mind to be blown, I want my heart to be blown.

When I want my mind to be blown, I'll just call one of the lovely people pictured above and talk to them.

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Monday, November 20, 2006

Holy Crap!

I purchased Oasis' album Definately Maybe when it first came out in 1994. I didn't really know any of their tunes but decided to buy the CD anyway, based on the critical acclaim it was receiving. However, before I had a chance to really listen to the CD, the band quickly began to come unglued. Thinking them a bunch of knuckleheads, I abandoned the idea of even trying to give their music a listen. I'm shallow that way.

Twelve years later (gasp) I found their CD, dusted it off and loaded it up on my iTunes at work, where I have time to let music grow on me. Lo and behold: it's a pretty good album. I particularly enjoy Shakermaker and have provided you a Youtube so you can discover or rediscover this group of grab-ass playing goofballs for yourself.



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Monday, November 13, 2006

Mercy, Mercy, Mercy!

I've recently found my copy of Buddy Rich's Mercy, Mercy CD and have loaded it up on my iTunes at work. It rocks. I highly recommend it.


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Friday, November 10, 2006

Justin Timberlake Is Hott


My pals, Genn6 and Elizabeth are all coming to terms with Justin Timberlake's sudden hottness to us. Genn6 Explains it best here. I must have his new album.

Edited to add: Elizabeth takes umbrage with my statement that she believes he is hott. She affirms that instead of hott he is now no longer repulsive (see comments). Prone 2 Whimsy apologizes for this overstatement.

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Monday, May 02, 2005

"Yeah, I like Earth, I got these boots there!"

I went to see The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy with a bunch of friends who are all fans of the book, from one-time readers to what you might call zealots. It was truly a joy. This movie was a love letter to the fans as well as to Douglas Adams. The makers of this movie took such care in its creation and had so much respect for the story and the author, it moved me beyond words.

How refreshing to have the protagonists tortured by bad poetry instead of physical pain. It has been a long time since I've seen a movie this absurd and full of whimsy. It is the first time I've ever felt smack dab in the middle of a target market; this movie was made for people like me.

I do not wish to spoil it for those who have not seen it, but I must say that I love what they did with Zaphod Beeblebrox. He is my new hero. Also, the way they handled the distruction of the earth was breathtaking in its simplicity. It was an amazing and frightening 12 seconds. It was frightening to behold because of the grain of possibility it held: that someone completely without regard for the life upon it could destroy it so easily.

My friend, Terry, who could not be with us, alerted me to the BBC's take on the movie, simply put: too bad it's not funny. They could hardly be further from the truth. It was funny, touching, absurd and delightful the whole way through. It paid homage to all the other iterations of the story as well as to its author, who is given executive producer credits and to whom the movie is dedicated. Look for cameos of Peter Jones, the theme song to the TV show, and the first incarnation of Marvin the Paranoid Android.

The Vogons were a work of art, so much so that my new career aspiration is "space bureaucrat." Working for a state institution, I am well familar with having things signed in triplicate. Seeing a possible future where bureaucrats are still bureaucrats was pleasing in a way I cannot quite put words to. It has made it easier for me, however, to see my own work in a new light by imaging the purchasing department as populated by Vogons.

The makers of this movie took the story to a whole new level the same way that Peter Jackson translated the Ring series. It was an improvement on the original. The makers were faithful to the story, but trimmed the excess in a very satisfying way. They also left room for a sequel, which I do hope they make. If they are as careful with the next one as they are with this one, I may reconsider my opinion of the sequel as a viable art form.

If you have read this book, see it on the big screen; it is worth it. If you haven't read the book, see the movie on a big screen; it is worth it. Douglas Adams was taken from us too soon, but this movie made me feel like he is still with us. It was his influence that stoked the fires of whimsy in me, that was instilled in me by my parents, but left me during that brief period in my life when my parents weren't cool. I hope to carry on, in some small way, his joy for wordplay, his cockeyed take on the world, and his zest for the ridiculous that he helped sustain in me to this very day.

So three cheers for Hitchhiker's Guide! Go see it; it's worth it.

Princess Greenpearl Stamp of Approval
SWAK
Signed in triplicate, initialed, cross-referenced.
Please keep the goldenrod copy and leave the rest with Roz.

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Wednesday, April 06, 2005

A Night in Sin City

I went to see Sin City at the theater last weekend with Shawn, Eoin and Elizabeth (see her account here). It's always nice to have a night out without the kids and I did have a good time. No really, I did. Even though I cried, shook uncontrollably, and walked out of the movie. The last time I felt that disturbed at the theater was after I watched Silence of the Lambs.

But, it was a night out afterall. We did have drinks before at Don Pablos. We had popcorn and sodas. And we got to see the trailer for Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, which looks rad, by the way. Eoin and Shawn were trying to convince me that this movie was going to be good. I believe they even used the argument that it was like Pulp Fiction, only better, because it was based on a comic book. "Whee!" I responded in mock glee.

I was really trying to be a good sport about the whole thing. I knew the men's will to see this movie was too strong to bend towards another movie, say, Hitch. Afterall, anything comic book-driven is manna from heaven for these two. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I enjoy comic book capers as well. So I tried to embrace the artistry of the movie and disregard the corn of the omnipresent voice-over.

Alas, the subject matter was too strong for me. I don't even want to get into it because typing the words makes me want to cry. But any story involving harming a child makes me insane with sorrow and rage. It is not fair game for a plot device, as far as I'm concerned (yeah, I'm talking to you too, Oprah's book club). A high level of suffering of the innocent is not necessarily a hallmark of a quality story.

All the women in the story were prostitutes/dancers/waitresses and scantily clad. They were also ridiculously blood-thirsty. One was even called a Valkyrie Warrior Woman in voice over by her male love interest. Ick. I don't know if it was empowering or degrading. But by the time they showed up, I was too numb to have any feelings of feminist outrage.

I wanted to leave the theater. I left for a bathroom break and took as long as possible. I even dried my hands completely with the hand dryer. But the movie was still going. Then I sat there and tried to cover my eyes and ears and think about Colin Firth. Finally, I just whispered to Shawn that I was going to get the car and I'd meet them out front. It really was the best decision. I had a chance to get my bearings as I walked to the car in the early April snowstorm.

And then, the whole way home, Elizabeth and I got to torment them about how we would exact our revenge for this movie. We talked of many options, but I think my favorite was, "Aren't the Idols coming to town this summer?"

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Monday, March 28, 2005

Which Witch: Mary Poppins and Harry Potter

Having viewed Mary Poppins for the nintey-third time since Christmas and having listened to and read all the Harry Potter books over and over trying to make it easier to wait for the newest edition, I have noticed what seems to be a shared mythos. There are similarities in the way magic works and in the way the magic users behave. Similarities abound, in fact, if you look closely. And believe me I have. I no longer enjoy either for the plot; I can't anymore. I've just seen the movies/read the books, too many doggone times. In order to enjoy either one of them, I feel the need to start looking at structure, dialog, and the rules for their worlds.

First of all, both stories are set in England. Both have a shared cultural flower bed, so to speak. But I do believe Rowling is standing on the shoulders of giants, when she writes about her magical world, building on legends that preceded her work. I think what makes the Harry Potter series so enchanting is that, although there is a new and wonderous magical world for us to explore, it doesn't stray far from traditional stories and legends. It's both new and familiar. Exciting and non-threatening.

But beyond the familiar traditions, there are other similarities. Let's start with the chimney. While watching Mary Poppins with my daughter for the ninety-third time, I started thinking about Floo Powder and the Floo network. This is how wizards and witches travel in Harry Potter, but in MP, magical chimney sweeps fly up them, dance across the roof tops. They seem to recognize and know who MP is and what she is capable of, just like Bert does. They also seem capable of a bit of magic themselves, not the least of which is dancing together without appearing gay. At any rate, chimneys=magical transportation in both stories.

My friend, Big Orange, (check out his blogs:
the whimsical one and the serious one) and I were talking on the phone last night and he brought up Bert. He wondered if he was a witch of the lower arcana or some other big word. I immediately chimed in with my theory that Bert is like a Squib in the Harry Potter series. He knows about the magical world, he seems to live and work among the witches and wizards, and he seems to have a sixth sense about the approach of Mary Poppins. He knows what she can do, but can't do it himself. He is sort of what the non-magic people in MP might call a denizen of the fringe or a "marginal person." I've heard Roland Barth speak about the marginal. He explains that marginal people actually have a lot of power of a different sort because they not only inhabit the culture of the "normal" or dominate culture, in this case the muggle world, but they also live in the subdominate culture of witches and wizards. Just like HP, Bert acts as a guide and translator for the uninitiated in both cultures. He has power because he has knowledge of the rules and languages of both cultures and could use that knowledge for good or evil. Bert uses his power for good, or at least for kicks.

There are other magical folk in the MP story. It is interesting to view them doing what they do in the context of the story, but more interesting is how the muggles interact with them. Here are the characters who I believe are also magical:

  • Admiral Boom
  • Uncle Albert
  • The Bird Lady
  • Mary Poppins, of course

Admiral Boom

Admiral Boom has the power of Divination; he can sense storms brewing in the Banks's home and even goes so far as to warn Mr. Banks that he's in for quite a ride. That Mr. Banks ignores his warnings outright, in fact responds with a completely automatic, "Yes, yes, very good!" when the Admiral details his doom, tells of a denial that rivals even the Dursely's. The Dursely's are conciously in denial, though, while Mr. Banks is too wrapped up in being impressed with himself that he wouldn't recognize a prophesy of doom if ran up to him and peed on his shoes.

Mr. Banks is not the only one oblivious to the powers of Admiral Boom. No one in the story remarks on the oddity of Admiral Boom's home. Why does no one complain about the cannons? Does the architechture not scream: madman who's taken too many booms to the head? This oddity seems to be inexplicably ignored by the people who inhabit this story. Perhaps there is some form of "does-not-compute-ism" and muggles just can't deal with magic on any level. Maybe, as in HP, Admiral Boom's house is magically cloaked like the Ministry of Magic building or St. Mungo's Hospital. These buildings in HP are intentionally being cloaked, but maybe being magical in MP's world is enough to disguise them from the muggles, whether this is intentional or not. I think Admiral Boom's state of making so little of an impression on others is not intentional on his part as he seems to be doing everything he can in order to be noticed.

Admiral Boom is the source of time. Bert comments early in the movie that the world gets the time from Greenwich, but Greenwich gets the time from Admiral Boom. You may have noticed that Mr. Banks questions the authenticity (and therefore authority) of the time Admiral Boom presents as 6:00 p.m. He actually says, "a bit early this evening, aren't we Admiral?" This, I believe, is another cue to let us know how out of step with the magical Mr. Banks really is. How does Admiral Boom calibrate the correct time? Is his home full of magical gadgetry? I have a feeling he and Dumbledore are probably on the same mailing lists.

Uncle Albert

Uncle Albert is a wizard of the prankster variety, ala Fred and George. He may even represent a sort of addict in the magic world. He cannot control his compulsion to laugh and he wants others to join him. Replace laugh with alcohol and suddenly it is not so funny. Actually, MP is very exasperated when she learns Uncle Albert is on the ceiling again; she learns this from a dog, I might add. Just as it is when you first meet a drunk: they are the life of the party. Then, it gets old, especially when you are called on time and again to rescue this poor sod.

Here, Bert is involved again, but rather than magiking Uncle Albert down, which MP could probably do, he has to counter the hilarity with sadness. This counterspell, if you will, remindes me of the Patronis spell which counters Dementors in HP's world. These Dementors bring about great sadness to their victims. A Dementor attack is described as feeling like you will never be cheerful again (kind of like the way clinical depression feels). The only way to protect yourself is to access the most wonderful memory you have and use it to ward them off. Parallel stories, but oppisite I think.

The Bird Lady

This woman is someone who MP admires very much. I'm not really sure why and I'm not sure if the story is not clear about it or If I just start to fade at this point in the movie. Perhaps the Bird Lady is akin to Hagrid: she has a special commraderie with animals. Maybe she was an old teacher of MP and showed her how to speak with and understand animals. She is also virtually invisible to Mr. Banks, who when compelled by his children, squints across the plaza to register her presence and then to denegrate her importance. Hagrid has a similar effect on muggles. Again, I'm sure there is a point to all this "feed the birds" nonsense, there must be to carry snowglobe around depicting the scene, but it is lost on me. Perhaps I can't see the magic. Perhaps it is merely a plot device to cause tension between the bankers and the children: the most opposite of opposites that ever opposited.

I would like to talk about the bankers. They are very similar to the goblins in HP in their dress and demeanor. That's all.

Mary Poppins

This woman, in the language of Harry Potter's world, is most definately a witch. She is handy with potions (see the customized cough syrup). She can charm objects into movement (see cleaning the nursery). She can fly/levitate. She can speak with animals, she can carry many items of a wide variety of sizes in her carpet bag, even the illogical floor lamp. She can also charm people. She can get overexcited children to sleep with one song. One song. It takes me two stories and 5 songs to get mine to sleep. The entire Banks household, excepting of course Mr. Banks, are cheered by her presence. They are captivated by her spell. Mr. Banks suspects her of bringing chaos into the order of his home, which is true, I guess. It's more of a revolution against his rule of law and order, I think. He hasn't yet learned the lesson that being joyful is better than being in control of everything. I suspect that she is the best Nanny Witch there is.

In HP's world, however, I'm sure she would have to answer to Mr. Weasley in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts office over many of her actions. Although, she does a good job of covering up her powers to the muggles by denying that any of it ever happened and writing it off as childish fancy, even to the children she experienced magical things with. Really, who would believe a child over the nanny in those days? She is a very powerful witch and does some amazing things. I wonder if she appears on any of those Famous Witches and Wizards cards you get with a Chocolate Frog.

She and Harry are parallel but opposite. She is accomplished in her craft and in her culture. He is just learning both, although he has great potential, especially in defense against the dark arts. She is respected and above reproach. He is respected by a small circle of people, famous to many, but easily scapegoated. She is very good at potions, Harry is not so much. She has confidence, poise, and vanity. Harry doubts himself and wishes to blend in more. Although he can get caught up in himself, I seriously doubt he would ever refer to himself as "Practically perfect in every way."

As you may be able to guess, I have been driven to comparative literature through shear repetition. The appitite of a three-year old to see something again and again knows no bounds. As I make deeper grooves in my memory of the fairy tales and legends I see repeated in their many shapes and sizes, I continue to be amazed by the creativity. Just as Tolkein started with his home and built a legend for his country, so did Rowling. She used her home, late 20th century England and picked up the legend and turned it like a kaleidescope. The messages are the same in these works: goodness and joy and fun are more important than work and rules and compliance or blind alligience to authority. It's really quite fascinating and I'm even more impressed with her work as I start to look at its structures.

Either that or I'm just going batty with the reruns.

By the way, I'd like to leave you with this syllogism:

  • Most stories are written by creative people.
  • Most creative people don't care much for rules and the people who follow them.
  • Therefore, most stories contain lessons such as: break the rules, play, thumb your nose at authority, express yourself, etc., etc.

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