Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Invincible? I Recommend It...

It was a pretty standard sports movie in the vein of Rudy. It's all about the regular guy, Joe Public. I love underdog movies because I'm a good American and I love freedom. However what makes this movie surge ahead in the polls here at Prone 2 Whimsy are the shots of Mark Wahlberg in a wet t-shirt.

Monday, December 25, 2006

I Don't Think I'll Be Able To Write Anymore...

I've just spent the last two hours jamming on Guitar Hero II. I feel like a rock god. I was able to keep up with the likes of Pantera and Rage Against The Machine. However my fingers are now like noodles. If I keep up at this pace, carpal tunnel will get me and I'll have to hit the booze and start taking up with the groupies. Pretty soon I'll be in rehab.

Worship me, bitches!

Sunday, December 24, 2006

My Christams Wishes For You

Dear Friends,

As I sit here drinking my Christmas Diet Coke, I'm thinking about all of you lovely people. I'm looking forward to a couple of busy days and I'm not sure I'll get the chance to write much until later. But I wanted to capture a few things and lay them out here.

First and foremost, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas. I hope all the hard work and stress pays off. Even if you don't celebrate Chistmas, I hope you have a lovely day off. I wish for you a Christmas Miracle. Perhaps you find your keys without turning the house upside down. Maybe a dashing young man or a brave lady will save your life. No matter what the size and scope of the miracle, recognize it and honor it by declaring out loud to yourself or your family: I've found my keys! It's a Christmas Miracle!

Secondly, I invite you to listen to this song and think about all those people who can't be with you today. Remember the good times you've had with them. Give them a call, if you can, and raise a glass in their name.

And finally, I hope your heart blossoms and swells with all of the magic there is around you. And don't tell me it's not there. It is and you know it. It may not be as grand as it was when you were four years old but it's there. You just have to look a little harder to find it.


PS: I hope Santa brings you everything you asked for.

Friday, December 22, 2006

End Of Year Housekeeping

It's getting cluttered here at Prone 2 Whimsy and I need to toss out some old stuff. The following is a list of the abandoned, orphaned ideas I toyed with writing about this year. I thought I'd list the title of each little Oliver, then, in true Dickensian fashion, kick them out at Christmas time and beginning the new year afresh.

  • 12/20/06: Bah Humbug Repellant

  • 12/19/06: Some Stuff I learned From Books

  • 11/20/06: If Loving Reality TV Is Wrong, I Don't Want To Be Right

  • 10/19/06: Places I'd Take My Blogfriends, If They Came To Visit Me

  • 9/19/06: Avast, Ye Scurvy Dogs!

  • 9/1/06: Untitled, I might have to post this...

  • 8/22/06: My Friends Are Great, Despite What They Think

  • 6/28/06: My Haikus Are So Aggressive

  • 6/20/06: Beggars Can't Be Choosers

  • 4/29/06: Spiderman and Me? We're Like This

  • 4/6/06: Mandisa's Ousting On American Idol Restores My Faith In America's Youth

  • 3/5/06: My Passion For The Christ (A Review of a college theater performance of JC Superstar)

  • 2/15/06: Song of the Day (Harden My Heart, by Quarterflash)

  • 1/17/06: I Would Raise An Army Of Zombies To Take Out Count Dracula

What's in your draft pile?

Thursday, December 21, 2006


Guten Tag!

I've got two tags today. Firstly, I tagged myself with Some Guy's idea...

Reasons I'm An Ass...

First, I shall list those that I have in common with my pal Chris:
  • I watch horrible TV shows when I could be doing something constructive.

  • I don't always speak up when I should.

  • I pay bills late and get charged a fee, even when I have the money and no good reason why I can't pay them on time.

  • I let myself get worked up about things of no consequence.

Here is evidence of assiness that is entirely my own:

  • I wait until the last moment to get things done.

  • I let certain minute personality quirks and bad fashion drive me to hatred.

  • I never return my library books in on time.

  • I've always got a zinger loaded and sometimes I pull the trigger before I think about the consequences

  • I screen my calls.

  • In order to alleviate my road rage, I've convinced myself that no one on the road is capable of courtesy and most don't know the rules. So, when they cut me off, I think things like, "Father, forgive them; they know not what they are doing." (By the way: this is a very effective tactic)

Others? Please add them to the comments...


And now, my girl, Dirty Tagged me with some Alphabet Soup:

A-Available or single? Neither

B-Best Friend? I have more than one! Don't make me choose!

C-Cake or pie? Cake

D-Drink of choice? Diet Coke or Riesling

E-Essential item I use every day...Computer

F-Favorite color? Blue

G-Gummy Bears or Gummy worms? Gummy Bears

H-Hometown? Canton, Ohio.

I-Indulgence...Golden Crisp Potato Chips.

J-January or February? January

K-Kids and names: Riley & Lucy

L-Life is incomplete without? I don't know...this question makes no sense. I suppose it's incomplete if you die before you do everything you want to. One thing I want to do before I die? See a live drag show.

M-Marriage date...October 25, 1997

N-Number of siblings...NONE!

O-Oranges or apples? Apples

P-Phobias or fears? Heights

Q-Favorite quote? "Be advised, I'm mean nasty and tired. I eat concertina wire and piss napalm and I could put a round through a flea's ass at 300 meters. So why don't you hump somebody else's leg, mutt-face, before I push yours in." Clint Eastwood in Heartbreak Ridge, a highly underrated film.

R-Reasons to smile...1. to offer a friendly visage to a stranger, 2. your kid says something sweet/cute/wonderful, 3. someone's taking a picture, 4. you just won the lottery, 5. to cover up for something

S-Season? Autumn.

T-Tag 3 or 4 people...Elizabeth, Genn6, Echo

U-Unknown fact about me...I love the movie Bring It On.

V-Vegetable you don't like...Green Beans.

W-Worst habit...procrastination.

Y-Your favorite food? Chiptole Tacos.

Z-Zodiac? Gemini

Busy, Busy, Busy

It's the end of the year and the beginning of a new one. I've got loose ends and brainstorms all over the place. Also, I dumped my three-hole punch all over me and spent a good 10 minutes picking the confetti out of the carpet. Somehow, I blame Mel Gibson.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

A Call To Arms: The Sword of Grammar

I present this vintage post to prove my worth as a GEW for Gesus...

Original Post

Monday, April 10, 2006


Why the fuck would someone ruin a perfectly good powdered sugar donut by putting a nostril-load of jelly in the middle of it?

Comments (edited for clarity):

Big Orange said...
I like the adjective "nostril load". That's just delightful! did you borrow it or didja' make it up yo'self?

7:57 AM

Flannery Alden said...
I came up with the noun "nostril-load" all by myself (I'm sure my Mom will be so proud).
9:27 AM

Comment deleted
This post has been removed by the blog administrator.
2:28 PM

Big Orange said...
also, is it "donuts" or "doughnuts"?? Also (putting on pedantic hat now), isn't "nostril-load" in the sentence "a nostril-load of jelly" an adjective describing "jelly"?? You can have a nostril load as a noun, but doesn't it function as an adj in this context?(keepin a death grip on them Pedantry Points)(had to delete last comment for a grammar error!! for shame, for shame!!)
2:30 PM

Flannery Alden said...
::deep breath::Prepare yourself for the sword of grammar!

If you look at the sentence, you will see the phrase that concerns us: "...putting a nostril-load of jelly..." The phrase itself is a noun, or rather, the object of the preposition "by". Nostril-load is the object of the gerund "putting". It is a noun. A nostril-load is a thing. "Of jelly" is an adjectival phrase modifying the noun nostril-load. So, actually "of jelly" is the adjective here, a postmodifier to the noun nostril-load. Actually, nostril is being used as an adjective in this case because it describes size of the load, but since I combined nostril with load, I created a noun or more specifically a compound. I'll take my pedant point now, please, to go.
3:36 PM

Flannery Alden said...
And donut is a variant of doughnut. Both spellings are acceptable.
3:40 PM

Big Orange said...
Hey! Watch where you point that thing! The SoG is SHARP!::sorts thru pedantry point box for some of the less shiny ones::here ya' go...
1:09 PM

Tonight! We sail, Ho's!

Celebrities Who Have Appeared In My Dreams: Episode 105

Elliott Yamin, American Idol Finalist

I had just arrived in Atlantic City for a sales conference. I was travelling on a charter bus with a large group of people, including my neighbors Wally and Ms. Snap and their children. We got off the bus downtown and I was so psyched to be there, I handed my bags over to Wally and asked them to check me in while I checked out the city.

As I was walking down the street, I ran into Elliott Yamin and we just hit it off. He really wanted to show me the sights, so we made our way to the first casino we saw. I followed Elliott as he walked toward the door (he was wearing his hoodie, I noticed), I started to sing to myself, "Well, they blew up the chicken man in Philly last night..."

Elliott led me into a small cabaret dance hall. It was pretty shabby. The room was about 50 feet long and about 20 feet deep. There were four rows of about 20 seats. The stage was bare but brightly lit. Once we sat down, the show started. The first show, Lady Spider, started with about twenty dancers all in one caterpillar costume. Each dancer provided a pair of legs to the worm and they writhed around the stage. Eventually, there were cheapo pyrotechnics and the caterpiller disappeared and the Lady spider appeared and began to sing a punk/torch song.

As the next act was coming on, Elliott and I decided to leave. As we exited the casino, I remembered I had a $27 poker chip my Dad had given me. It was left over from his trip to Las Vegas and it was from the Banyan casino. The chip was green with a white paint in the middle. There was a abstract banyan tree, similar to the logo from the Palms Casino, and the number 27 underneath it.

Before we got to the Banyan, Elliott wanted to stop by his place first. He lived in a narrow basement apartment with two crack whores. He settled in to have some crack himself. He offered me some and told him no way. He started extolling the virtues of crack and I got disgusted and left.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Some Free Advice

Hi, Rich Person!

I'm so glad to share the space with you at this moment. I'm practically dazzled by your diamond cufflinks and/or ruby brooches. Your manicured fingers flit for emphasis as you regale me with tales of your exotic adventures. I am left reeling by simply estimating in my head the possible costs incurred for hiring a personal rail car that hauls your well-toned ass across the country while insulating you from the hoi polloi. Really. I'm impressed.

I'm also thankful that you deem to share your stories with me. My eyes have been opened to a world that I will probably never get to visit. Your trips to the Carribean make my trips to the Mexican border pale in comparison. I've seen the Canadian Parliment building and sat in on a session. You've hung out with MP's. Real British MP's, not the British Lite (Canadian) ones. You've met mayors and sheiks. I've met Maynard's with the shakes.

Still, I've always felt that I could hold my head high around you. I never felt inflamed that you get a tax break for every hummer you buy. I've never begrudged you the opportunity to buy me lunch. I've laughed at your tales of hobnobbing with the goobershmoosers. I respect you for who you are.

But, here is where I draw the line: Please don't complain to me about your hired help. Don't try to get my sympathy when your butler scuffs the woodwork because he forgot to take off his shoes in your home. Don't try to make me laugh at the way your maid decides to clean your plush wool carpeting with dishwashing detergeant. I cannot commiserate with you here. I cannot find joy in these stories. So stop it.

Thank you,
Flannery Alden
Card Carrying Member of the Lower Middle Class

I Love Smart People

I heard about this story on the news this morning. This little Italian village that gets virtually no sun in winter installed a mirror in the surrounding mountains in order to reflect the sun's rays onto their dark and sleepy town. So, now the villagers can bask in the winter sun light and their new found fame, as many other dark and cold towns are hoping to share the spotlight. This is civilization at its best and no one had to get disembowelled in the proces, Mel Gibson.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Is This Really Me?

I pinched this quiz from Big Orange...

You're Siddhartha!

by Hermann Hesse

You simply don't know what to believe, but you're willing to try
anything once. Western values, Eastern values, hedonism and minimalism, you've spent
some time in every camp. But you still don't have any idea what camp you belong in.
This makes you an individualist of the highest order, but also really lonely. It's
time to chill out under a tree. And realize that at least you believe in

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Edited to add: this is more me!

You're Loosely Based!

by Storey Clayton

While most people haven't heard of you, you're a really good and
interesting person. Rather clever and witty, you crack a lot of jokes about the world
around you. You do have a serious side, however, where your interest covers the homeless
and the inequalities of society. You're good at bringing people together, but they keep
asking you what your name means.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Picture Pages

We have nine days until Christmas and we are ready...mostly.

Behold our beautiful tree...

We decorated it last weekend and it no longer looks like the picture above. Lucy removed most of the bulbs she could reach.

Angels we have heard on high...

Riley picked out the tree topper.

This is how we celebrate our freedom at our house...

Friday, December 15, 2006

Who Am I?

I pinched this from Some Guy...

25 Questions

My pal Genn6 tagged me with this one...
1. I've come to realize that my family...
Are fabulous!
2. I am listening to...
Cars driving by, a plane flying over.
3. I talk...
With my hands and with vigor.
4. I love...
Reality TV, Christmas and Onion Strings
5. My best friend...
label can be applied to several candidates.
6. My first kiss was...
7. I lost my virginity...
somewhere around where did I put it?
8. I hate it when people...
tuck their sweaters in.
9. Love is...
natural and real (tm Morissey)
10. Marriage is...
a team sport
11. Somewhere, someone is thinking...
Where are my keys?
12. I'll always...
13. I have a secret crush on...
Lindsay Lohan (is that a secret?)
14. The last time I cried was because...
I couldn't get enough sleep.
15. My cell phone...
doubles as a watch
16. When I wake up in the morning...
I hit the snooze
17. Before I go to sleep at night...
I hold hands with Doc
18. Right now I am thinking about...
Getting stuff ready for tomorrow.
19. Babies are...
so sweet.
20. I get on myspace....
hardly ever.
21. Today I...
Ready to go!
22. Tonight I will...Tiki!
23. Tomorrow I Elizabeth find a car.
24. I really advance on my book.
25. The person who most likely to repost this is...the person whom I tag, which is Mombi!

What's A Housewife To Do?

I'm off work today in order to prepare for a "progressive dinner" tomorrow night and I have no idea what to prepare. We are all expected to make two drinks and finger foods. What do you recommend?

Thursday, December 14, 2006

America: Stop It!

So now Apocalypto has received a Golden Globe nomination for best foriegn language film. This is so wrong. First of all, in my opinion, foriegn language films ought to come from foriegn language speaking artists. Oh, wait, I forgot! Mel Gibson does speak a foriegn language: crazy. Secondly, this nomination indicates that this picture is on the road to the Academy Awards. Sigh.
Stop liking this movie, people! It's bad for the collective unconscious. And it contains rat hair.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

The Emperor Led Me...

I've added Johnny Yen to the links list! I am inspired by his ability to say highly witty and highly inappropriate things at the same time and at the right moment.

You are The High Priestess

Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.

The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Mmmmm...Rat Hair

Yesterday, I brought a grilled chicken salad in for lunch. It was left over from my book club the night before. I didn't think to bring in a salad dressing for myself, so I ordered some raspberry vinagrette and a slice of bread from the little Italian restaurant in the lobby of the building I work in. I often order salads or pasta from this place. The food is excellent but the service is very slow. So I usually get it to go.

I travelled down to the restaurant and saw my bread and dressing waiting for me, tied up in a nice plastic grocery sack. The waitress came over and said, "That'll be a dollar fifty, please."
"OK," I said, thinking it a bit steep for two small containers of dressing and a hunk of bread, but whatever.
I handed her two dollars and told her to keep the change.
"Thanks," she said as she started walking back to the kitchen. Then she turned her had and said, "Enjoy the rat hair!"
"Uh," I said, furrowing my brow, "You too!"
I left the restaurant confused. I had no idea what she actually said. She couldn't possibly have said "enjoy the rat hair," could she?
I explained it to my co-workers when I returned to the office. They thought it was strange too. Eventually, we figured out that the lady probably said, "Enjoy the Raspberry!" Somehow, I didn't feel one hundred percent reassured.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

This One's For Chris...


Every Now And Then...

...we have to have uncomfortable talks with those we love. We need to express hurt feelings or register dissatisfaction with the way things are going. I find, in many cases, it's important to set some ground rules. I'll list some of mine here, but I'd be very interested in hearing what some of your ground rules would be. Please add them to the comments. Here are mine:
  • Turn off cell phones, TV's, etc.
  • Try not to interrupt
  • Try to remain objective
  • Don't yell or throw things
  • Try to keep going, even if it gets a bit uncomfortable, but also know when it's time to give each other space and cool off
  • Try to identify the problem before offering solutions
  • Respect each other's opinions and emotions; honor them as valid
  • Promise to keep everything said in the fight confidential; don't go running to tell tales out of school
  • Don't roll your eyes
  • Don't point fingers
  • No name calling
  • Come up with a plan for the future that all can agree to
  • If someone starts crying, immediately call a time out and hug that person til they stop
  • Keep your values in your back pocket and don't compromise them for the sake of peace and quiet
Have I missed any? What would you add?

Monday, December 11, 2006

The Duality Of Flannery

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Mahatma Ghandi

While I believe this quote inherently; it also makes me want to barf.

Do You Like Me? (Circle Yes or No)

Megan tagged me; she wants to know about crushes I have had. It's always fun to mine this vein; it's rife with dashed hopes and lonlieness and plenty of opportunities for character building.


She didn't tell me how many I should talk about, so I'll go with a few from the middle school era. You know about one already. I think I can come up with three more.


Greg Burlingame. He was the strong, silent type. In the fifth grade, we played a lot of quiet games of tether ball. He was really good at tether ball. I don't think we ever talked, but we lived the metaphor of wrapping a ball attached to a rope around a pole, only to undo it and repeat for the duration of each recess. It was very zen. We went to separate middle schools and I didn't see him for three years. When we rejoined in high school, I rarely ever saw him. I think he joined the vocational school taking up horticulture or auto mechanics. But occaisionally, we'd pass in the hall and I'd wonder if he remembered our tether ball days.


Tom Kelly. Tom was a cute little blonde who rode my bus. I was in lurve with him throughout the entirity of my middle school years. He reminded me of a young Johnny Carson (so hott!). However, he was not the least bit interested in me. At one time, I sent him a note, telling him I liked him. But Tom, ever the staunch diplomat, never responded one way or the other. So, I was left to dangle, wondering. I think, in retrospect, he must have been gay.


Terry Cross. Terry was my best friend's dad. He looked a bit like Harvey Corman. He used to restore classic cars and golf. He had a dark tan and dimples. I believe he was the first dimpled man to move my heart. He smoked merit cigarettes and loved Jackie Gleason. He also thought I was funny. Of course, nothing ever came of this. He was at least 30 years older than me.

So there you have my crushes: Greg Burlingame, the man who taught me that silence was golden; Tom Kelly, a man who taught me that I could do better; and Terry Cross, who gave me my Achilles' heel and made dimples my kryptonite.


I tag Doc, a major hotty with dimples, curly blonde hair, blue eyes and the best ass I've ever seen. He also thinks I'm funny, which is more important to me in a partner than I'd like to admit.

I Blame Mel Gibson For This

He's obviously convinced everyone that if he can do it, so can they.

I Obviously Have Zero Influence

Thank you, Mel Gibson, for selling your soul to the devil by providing us with an hour and a half of misanthropy under the guise of historical accuracy. And thank you, America, for buying tickents to this modern day Colluseum spectacle and condoning this picture by your participation. I'm not sure I can forgive you for this. It's going to take a pretty big diamond and a spa day.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

The Holy Roman Empire Was Neither Holy, Nor Roman, Nor An Empire...Talk Amongst Yourselves...

I can't comment!

Stupid Beta Blogger...

Any suggestions?

And for those of you who've never heard of Linda Richmond of Coffee Talk...(ahem Big Orange ahem) Here's this Youtube...

Friday, December 08, 2006

Mel Gibson: Visionary Director or Pornographic Violence Monger?

I was listening to Morning Edition on my way to work today and caught Kenneth Turan's review of Gibson's new movie "Apocolypto." To summarize, he concluded that the message Gibson wants to send to all of us is that, if we aren't careful, our civilization could go right down the tubes, just like the Mayans' did, due to moral turpitude. However, Turan believes that rather than being part of the solution, Gibson is part of the problem, by producing movies with such expansive, overpowering and lush images of violence. He believes that Gibson is abetting the rot of our civilization from within, which he is ostensibly warning us about in this movie.

Turan's review got me to thinking about why I'm currently pissed off at Gibson. It started with the Passion of the Christ. I was very angry at him for making that movie, but I could never pinpoint why, other than this: I understand that Christ suffered on the cross; I don't need to see it in full technicolor with digital accuracy in order to get the point. But even after expressing this thought, I still felt huffy about that movie. Now I know why.

If you look at the scope of this man's career, nearly all of his movies are ripe with violence, excepting only "What Women Want." There may be more films that aren't violent, but I can't be bothered to seek them out right now, I'm too mad. When he made his first big move to director with Braveheart, he was hailed as a new visionary who approached historical battles with heart-stopping accuracy. Braveheart was a decent movie, and I tolerated the violence in it because I love freedom. However, when the Patriot came out, it was just as violent, yet not so good on the history. Not so good on the plot, either, because, I could never sit through it in its entirity. Then came The Passion of the Christ. And he lost me.

It is my theory that this man has a hard-on for violence and he's just looking for a historical background to set it in to give it legitimacy. The drawn-out eviscerations, the tortures, the stabbing, the primative open-heart surgery. Do we really need to see all this to appreciate the culture and heritage of the time? And while we are on historical accuracy, who died and made Mel Gibson Herotodus? How the hell does he know what life was really like back then? He doesn't. Nobody without a time machine does. He's sold us all on how he "researches" the cultures and works toward the most accurate depiction of life in the olden days. However, his "historically accurate" epic motion pictures are simply million dollar playgrounds available for him to indulge in his violence fetish. He's not adding anything of substance to the conversation of the rise and fall of civilizations; he is only adding garbage to the landfill of smut and evil that threatens to spill over us all.

So do me a favor, please: Save civilization; don't go see this movie.


I just switched to blogger beta and it took over an hour to move my stuff. For a while there, I was in limbo, not knowing if my two years worth of stuff would be lost to the ages. Bytes in the wind.

Thank you, The Blogger Team, for not fucking up.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Eins, Zwei, Drie, Vier...

My pal, Chris tagged me. I'm about to tell you five things about me that no one knows. I've been writing here for two years and some change, so I'm not sure there's much about me to tell that isn't a little odd. With that warning, here we go...

  1. I can vividly remember being potty trained. I was probably one and a half to two years old. I remember my Mom sitting me on the toilet and singing: "Tinkle, tinkle little star..." I remember the feeling that I knew she wanted me to do something, but I had no idea what it was. I always enjoyed her singing.
  2. I used to make my right hand and my left fight for the right to color. I was probably about two or three. I believe I did this because I have crossed dominance, that is, I write with my right hand, I kick with my left foot, I aim with my left eye, yet I shoot right-handed (I've had to learn how to aim right-eyed). At any rate, I would have to referee fights between my left and right hands, before I could even begin to color.
  3. I've never cut school, except for one time. I left my band uniform at home and we had to perform for a school assembly in the afternoon. So, after band, I jumped into my 1979 Firebird and sped the 2 miles home to get it.
  4. When I was 10, I went to the Y's horse camp for three days. I was very excited to hop on a horse and ride with the wind. When it comes to speed, I am fearless: downhill skiing, driving, etc. Usually, I jump at the chance to go very fast, which I certainly had the opportunity to do at horse camp. However, I got stuck with an appaloosa mare named Babycakes, of all things. She was huge and grumpy and I was truly intimidated by Babycakes. Especially after she stepped on my foot and stood on it for about a minute and a half, while I beat on her hind quarters with my little fists. I spent the duration of camp volunteering for stable duty instead of riding.

    A side note, I have a boney bump on the outside edge of each foot and at the end of my row of toes. This makes it look like I'm missing a toe on each foot, because it looks like there's room for one more. The camp counselor who examined my foot thought it was broken, but that's just the way my foot was shaped. It didn't really hurt that bad; I was wearing sturdy cowboy boots after all. But I didn't want to ride that bitch, so I faked that my injury was worse than it was and they let me hang out in the stables by myself most of the time.
  5. Elizabeth knows this, but maybe you all don't. About 12 years ago, I faked it at a seance once. I based all my communications from beyond on tiny details I knew about everyone in the room that they probably forgot they even told me. I really freaked everyone out and I didn't come clean about it til this past year.

Sheesh. I'm a huge faker.

I tag Elizabeth. I owe her one for being such a good sport and not kickin my ass over the seance thing.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Add One More Link To The List

Because Echo totally quoted me (and not in the footnotes).

A Must See

I've added Anne Altman at
to my links page since we bonded over the above doll.

Flannery's Health and Beauty Tip

In Cleveland, drivers don't seem to really see pedestrians. It's been quite an adjustment for me, having returned to this city after working on campus at The Ohio State University, where pedestrians rule. Since I started working in Cleveland, I've had to be physically held back on several occaisions from walking into the street, while a car driven by a Mario Andretti wannabe is barelling towards me out of nowhere, with no intention of slowing down for my defiant ass. I've started to give in to the idea that I'm just going to have to yeild to the cars. It irks me, though, because it is my firm belief that pedestrians have the right of way in every situation. Period. However, I prefer to choose my battles and I don't think I want to die on this hill.

However, I do stop short of rushing to get out of cars' way when they have to cross into my territory: the sidewalk. I was walking into work this morning, past the entrance to the parking garage. I was inclined to pick up the pace becuase there were several cars waiting to enter. But then I looked down at the sidewalk and noticed dark patches. Those could be wet spots, those could be ice. I slowed my pace further. The cars could wait. I was not going to take the chance by rushing along the sidewalk, thinking it was just wet, and realizing after my ass hit the pavement, that yes, it was wet, but also frozen.

I advise you to do the same. When walking the frozen tundra, if you happen to live in one, take your time and choose your steps. Afterall, I would hate to see you get hurt. I would hate even more for you to look stupid, laying on the ground with your feet in the air. Trust me, it's humiliating and, in the immortal words of the Dirk Gently, you're better off being a little bit late with your dignity intact than on time and a mess.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Movie Tag

Thanks to Frank; I'm it!

Popcorn or Candy? Popcorn, of course.

Name a movie you've been meaning to see forever. Maltese Falcon

Steal one costume from a movie for your wardrobe. The dress Bette Davis is wearing in this picture from All About Eve:

Your favorite film franchise is: Harry Potter

Invite five movie people over for dinner. Who are they? Why'd you invite them? What do you feed them?

  • John Irving: best writer ever (he won an oscar for screenwriting Cider House Rules)
  • Owen Wilson: I think he's smart, hot, and funny.
  • Lindsay Lohan: I've been a fan for years.
  • Liza Minelli: Oh, the stories she'd tell!
  • Denzel Washington: I just want to look into his eyes when he talks.

It will be a summer evening and we will have Asian Barbeque Chicken, Caesar Salad, and blackberry sherbet for desert. And booze, lots and lots of booze (except for Lindsay, she's trying to dry out).

What is the appropriate punishment for people who answer cell phones in the movie theater?

Choose a female bodyguard: Angelina Jolie

What's the scariest thing you've ever seen in a movie? The scene at the end of Silence of the Lambs when Jodie Foster is walking around the killer's house in the dark. Freaked my shit out.

Your favorite genre (excluding "comedy" and "drama"): Drag Queen movies.

You are given the power to green-light movies at a major studio for one year. How do you wield this power? No focus group screenings. I think the results would be fascinating.
Bonnie or Clyde? Neither, thank you.

This quiz was made for you, Doc; you're it!

Thank You, Chicago!

It took me longer to get to work today than it took these knuckleheads to get lost at sea, thanks to the first major snowfall of the year. There were no accidents to speak of. The highways were plowed and salted. However downtown roads were sloppy and obviously not tended to. It would be interesting to do a queueing study on what the hell happened.

Monday, December 04, 2006

It's Monday! Let's Party...

Here's my iPod party shuffle for this snowy Monday morning:

  1. Ode to Billy Joe, The Buddy Rich Big Band
  2. Like That, The Black Eyed Peas
  3. Flamenco Sketches, Miles Davis
  4. All the Girls Love Alice, Elton John
  5. Nails for Breakfast, Tacks for Snacks, Panic! At the Disco
  6. Get Together, Madonna
  7. They Don't Want Music, The Black Eyed Peas with James Brown
  8. Chelsea Bridge, The Buddy Rich Big Band
  9. Chiquitita, ABBA
  10. This Is the Night, Clay Aiken
  11. Somthin' Just Ain't Right, Earl Scrugs with Randy Scruggs
  12. Nostalgia, Yanni
  13. Another Cuppa, The Wiggles
  14. Veinte Anos, The Buena Vista Social Club
  15. Rhythm Nation, Janet Jackson

I've Become A Writing Machine

I've gotten so used to writing everyday that now I can't stop. I don't really have much to say this morning, but I'm compelled to type none the less. I do have this to report, though: My novel is up to 28 pages. So, I've got that going for me.

Thanks, Nablopomo, for forcing me to write, when I have nothing to say.

Sunday, December 03, 2006


I've had a slight tickle in my throat since Black Friday. I was just bragging yesterday, that I seem to have warded off the cold that usually follows. Alas, I was hit full force by the wrecking ball that is the common cold. So, I'm sitting in my house, just me and the cat for the first time that I can remember in the past four years and what am I doing? Watching Blue's Clues.

Yeah, I'm sick.

Edited to add: I'm saved! There's an America's Next Top Model marathon on VH1.

Friday, December 01, 2006

A Memo To Big Orange Re: Footnotes

Dear Big Orange,

I enjoyed our heated discussion on the phone this morning regarding footnotes. If you recall, I noted strongly that I find footnotes to be distracting and a pain in the ass to locate, due to the great length of most of your posts. You claimed that they were perfectly OK to use and you were within the rules of good writing. You suggested I check my APA Style Guide for verification. I was sure the APA Style Guide strictly forbad them, and said so, claiming to have some expertise in the use of this guide.

While I am expert in preparing references and text that align with the rules presented by the APA, my knowledge is lacking with regard to footnotes, as I refuse to use them. However, in the interest of truth, I decided to consult the APA Style Guide and put this issue to rest. While the APA has not strictly forbidden them, they do discourage their use:

Content footnotes supplement or amplify substantive information in the text; they should not include complicated irrelevant or nonessential information. Because they are distracting to readers and expensive to include in printed material, such footnotes should convey just one idea; if you find yourself creating paragraphs or displaying equations as you are writing a footnote, then the main text or an appendix probably would be a more suitable place to present your information. Another alternative to consider is to indicate in a short footnote that the material is available from the author. In most cases, an author integrates an article best by presenting important information in the text, not in a footnote. [emphasis mine]. (202)

And so it would seem that you are technically right, but I am more right. As a writer, you are a servant of the reader, to a degree. In order to convey a message with the highest chances of successful reception, it's best not to make your poor, addled, busy, and short-attention-spanned readers go looking for bits of information at the bottom of your extraordinarily long posts.

However, it's your blog, you can do what you want. Just know that I will not make the effort to check out footnotes in context; I can't be bothered with all that extra scrolling. I will read them at the end of the post, but by then, they will be a non sequitorian jumble in my head. I do have one request, however, in future: leave me the fuck out of the footnotes.

Warmest Regards,
Flannery Alden

Survivor Cook Islands: The Best Season Ever

For the first time since I've been watching Survivor (since Season 3 Survivor Africa), I have been entirely satisfied with the way events are unfolding. If you haven't been watching, I sincerly pity you the absence of this fine experience in your life. If you'd like to catch up (there's still time with seven Survivors left), you can read the recaps of this delicious season at one of the best resources out there: Television Without Pity. If you have been watching: call me; we have a lot to discuss.

However, if you don't have the time to plow through the recaps (you should make the time, really; there is no excuse), I will hit the highlights of the season:
  • Tribes were divided by race, causing much discomfort for all involved (discomfort for the Survivors=fun for the viewer)
  • The racial divide was abandoned in the third episode, yet there were some bonds remaining based on race, in particular: "team whitey"
  • Exile Island has been used very effectively this time around
  • The person who found the Hidden Immunity Idol (Yul, pictured above) is actually using it to change the game.
  • The smart and hard-working people have the lazy, annoying people on the run, even after they smart ones were at a formidible disadvanatage numbers-wise at the merge
  • Jeff Probst is totally on his game, dispite his famously bad taste in hats
  • Tribal Councils have been full of vitriol and name-calling
  • The canoodlers have been split up and shall not control the game ala Boston Rob and Amber
  • Each episode has made me look forward to the next one

But the best part of this season is Yul. He is supersmart, kind of dorky and knows how the hell to influence people. He is a master at lining people up and pointing them in a direction that they all believe they will benefit from. He knows that, in order to be successful in this game, you need to align with people whose behavior is predictable and upon whom he can rely not to get a wild hair up the ass and do something crazy. He also checks and rechecks his strategy and makes adjustments on the run. His spectacular gameplay has been a joy to watch.

God, I love this show!

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Nablapomo No Mo'

Then sigh not so
But let them go,
And be you blithe and bonny;
Converting all your sounds of woe
Into. Hey nonny, nonny.
Say man are you down for doing something positive in the community?
No i don't think I'll ever do that again
Well ain't you worried about doing the right thing?
Well I don't care if I hey nonny nonny nonny ho nonny nonny nonny.

--Shakespeare and the Violent Femmes.
Alas, Nablapomo is gasping its dying breath, begging for a bullet to bite on. It's taking its last sloppy sip of whiskey and telling us not to be sad, but to remember him going down in a blaze of glory. He looks into our eyes meaningfully and says, "Go on without me; you'll be fine." Then his head drops and his body slackens and we are left to ride out into the sunset alone, scanning the horizon for a grazing herd of ideas and sniffing the air for motivation.
I plan to continue to write at least once a day, to honor the death of Nablapomo. I feel obliged to, having gained so much from the experience. Not only have I built the confidence to start a novel, but I've watched as my writer friends have also taken the challenge. I feel like I've gotten to know everyone a little more and that's always nice.
They say it only takes 21 days to adopt or break a habit, so hopefully writing has become a habit for all of us. Here is a graduation song for the occaision, Gaudeamus Igitor, with a few minor adjustments. Bona Fortuna and Valete!
Let us rejoice therefore
While we are young.
After a pleasant youth
After a troublesome old age
The earth will have us.
Where are they
Who were in the world before us?
You may cross over to heaven
You may go to hell If you wish to see them.
Our life is brief
It will be finished shortly.
Death comes quickly
Atrociously, it snatches us away.
No one is spared.
Long live the Nablopomo!
Long live the writers!
Long live each blogger!
Long live each bloggerella!
May they always flourish!
Long live all maidens
Easy and beautiful!
Long live mature women also,
Tender and loveable
And full of good labor.
Long live the State
And the One who rules it!
Long live our City
And the charity of benefactors
Which protects us here!
Let sadness perish!
Let haters perish!
Let the devil perish!
Let whoever is against our blogs
Who laughs at them, perish!

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

A Little Something For The Fellah's

Not just gratuitous cleaveage, but also an announcement:
I've added the lovely and funny Boob Lady to the links list!
Check out her stuff.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

I Rock

I came up with the numbers I needed while under the gun. Why I'm doing accounting, I'll never know. I'm not qualified, but I am too smart for my own good and a show-off. That's why I'm doing accounting. But this is how I really feel about it.

Afternoon Treat

The new Bond: just...yum.